Total pages in book: 17
Estimated words: 16182 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 81(@200wpm)___ 65(@250wpm)___ 54(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 16182 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 81(@200wpm)___ 65(@250wpm)___ 54(@300wpm)
I look at him. “You’re disgusting. You know that, right?”
“Depends on who you ask, but if you ask Mandy and …” His voice trails off as he starts snapping his fingers. “Barbara, no, not that, Brenda, no, not that either. I know her name, it’s on the tip of my …”
“Dick,” Austin says. “It’s on the tip of your dick.”
“Harriet. That was her name. Mandy and Harriet.”
“How did you guess Barbara and Brenda when it doesn’t even start with a B?” I turn, asking him.
“I have no idea.” Noah shrugs. “But those two.” He groans as he shakes his head. “Okay, so now what?” he asks, looking at me. “You saw Dani, and are you still in love with her?”
“Of course, I still love her.” I breathe out while I rub my hands over my face. “With everything that I have.” I put my hands on the table. “I just need her to talk to me.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to say this,” Noah says as he looks at Austin. “We need to tempt the ex and get her back.”
“We?” Austin asks as he looks up from his laptop, first at Noah and then at me.
“Why am I in this we?” Austin asks as Noah gets up and grabs a sheet of paper from one of the drawers with a pen.
“You’re in the we because it’s us, and it’s one for all and all for one.” Noah quickly writes on the paper.
Tempt The Ex.
“Now,” Noah says as he looks at us. “What does one do to get someone back besides kidnapping?” He taps the pen on his lip, then writes kidnapping down at the bottom of the page.
“I’m not kidnapping anyone,” Austin says as Noah rolls his eyes.
“I put it on the bottom of the page because it’s our last resort. Now, how about love notes?” Noah looks at both of us to see if maybe he is on to something.
“I like that one,” I finally say. “I can do love poems.” I smile at them, and they both roll their eyes. “Too cheesy?”
“Yes!” they both shout.
“Okay, fine.” I give in, raising my hands. “Love notes it is then.”
Noah snaps his fingers. “You shouldn’t write them. We should get magazines and paste the words in there. Make it mysterious. So she thinks she has a secret admirer.”
“I like that. Get her to fall in love with me twice.” I get up, going to the living room and grabbing the last two Cosmo magazines that she left here, and bring them with me back to the kitchen. “Okay, I have the magazines.” I slap them on the table as Austin reaches out to grab one. He flips through it, stopping to read a couple of pages.
“There are quizzes in here and everything,” Austin says as he continues flipping. “What kind of lover is your man?” He looks up at us, and I just shake my head.
“Okay, so we have love letters,” Noah says as he puts it on the list. “What else?”
“What about if you show up where she is?” Austin asks. “Like not stalking but just ‘a coincidence’?” We both look at him as he pushes away from the table to get another cup of coffee. “So you follow her, and then wait a couple of minutes before going into whatever store she is at and bump into her.”
Noah shrugs his shoulders. “I like it.” He adds “follow her” on the list.
“Join her study groups,” Austin also says. “I mean, you’re both in the same program, right?” He sips his coffee as he sits back down. “You could join a couple of study groups that you know she’s in?”
“Yes,” Noah says. “Flirt with other women and make her see you’re a catch. Show her that other girls want your limp dick.”
“My dick isn’t limp,” I point out. “He just only salutes one woman.”
“Voodoo vagina. I might have to wear a cup in front of her in case she thinks I want to sleep with her. To protect the crown jewels,” Noah says, grabbing his junk as though he’s protecting it.
“I texted her last night,” I say quietly. “She didn’t text me back.”
“Okay, if we are going to do this, you can’t go around looking all desperate and shit. No texting her anymore unless she texts you first, and whatever you do, no dick pics,” Noah says as he looks back and forth between Austin and me. “These girls keep it and then show their friends. Next thing you know, they take out a billboard on campus that says have you seen our dick?”
Austin and I both burst out laughing. “Oh my god, that was you in the posters all over campus?” I ask him, holding my stomach from laughing so hard.
“I can’t confirm it, but he did look familiar.” He puts his hands up. “I will say that is the actual size and nothing is blown up.” He pushes away from the table. “I need a fucking nap,” he says as he walks up the stairs and slams his door.