Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 92140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
“I do have a good therapist, but the girl I dated right before Lori also helped me out a lot. She was really there for me when I needed someone to pick up the pieces. The relationship just didn’t work out.” Then he laughed. “Funny enough, she’s a wedding planner, and she actually planned our wedding.”
“So there were no hard feelings, huh?”
“None. We’re friends. In fact, she introduced me to Lori last Christmas—after she and I’d broken up, of course.”
“When’s the wedding?”
“First weekend in October.” He paused. “Would you like to come?”
I opened my mouth to say no, but he went on before I could think of a way to do it without being a dick.
“No pressure, but I’d love to have some family there. My mom’s family isn’t coming, not that I ever knew any of them that well. They weren’t supportive of her after she got pregnant, and she never really forgave them.”
I felt even worse. Was that why she’d married Mick Holt? She’d been turned out by her family and had nowhere else to go?
“Sure,” I heard myself saying. “I could come to the wedding.”
“Oh my God, this is so great. I can’t wait to tell Lori. And you know what?” He sounded so excited. “Could you maybe come in a couple days early so we can spend a little time together before the wedding? The weekend will be so busy.”
“Uh, I might be able to do that. I’ll check my work schedule.”
“Awesome. That would be great. I—I have a lot of questions that I think would be better asked in person.”
After we hung up, I groaned aloud and rubbed my face with my hands. I didn’t like weddings to begin with, and now I’d have to go to one by myself, and Mason would probably be eager to introduce me to everyone he knew as his father. The poor guy was obviously desperate for family. And his questions . . . I had a pretty good idea what they would be, and I didn’t really want to face them. I didn’t have any good answers.
But I didn’t have it in me to refuse. He’d spent twenty-eight years wondering about me. His mother had worked two jobs to provide for him. He grew up not knowing if his dad was a total deadbeat or a decent human being.
Still, last night while I was packing, I started to panic about what I was going to say once we were face to face. I’d called Jackson and begged him to meet me for a beer so I could get his advice.
“I mean, what the fuck do I even say? Sorry I wasn’t there your whole life?”
Jackson considered the question. “I think you take your cues from him.”
“How so?”
“Well, you can’t change the past. It’s not like anything that happens from here on out will give him a childhood with a father. But maybe he’s just curious. Maybe he doesn’t want an apology. It’s not like it was your fault.”
“No, but you can still feel guilty about something that wasn’t your fault.” I was an expert at that. I had been since I was seven years old.
Jackson stared at his beer bottle and thought for a moment. “You can, but you don’t have to let it drag you under.”
I glanced at him. He’d lost team members as a SEAL and still carried the burden, even though he hadn’t been at fault. I knew he didn’t say those words lightly.
“And maybe you can alleviate some of the guilt by giving this kid what he wants, which is just to know you. Right?”
“Right.”
“So I think you say you’re sorry about the loss of his mom, and you wish things had gone down differently, but then maybe just let him talk. Answer his questions.”
“Yeah.” I tipped up my beer, wondering what exactly Mason would ask. What else Andi had told him.
“Anyway, once he gets to know what a dick you are, he’ll probably change his mind and leave you alone.” Jackson laughed as he lifted his beer for a swig.
I told him to fuck off, but I was grateful for his advice. He had two teenage daughters with his wife, Catherine, and he was much better than I was at relationships in general. He was a good husband and father and friend—loyal to a fault, one of those guys who actually deserved all the good things he had in life. But he’d never hesitate to tell you when you were fucking something up, or just mess with you in general if he could.
For example.
“Hey, did that girl ever call you?” he poked.
“What girl?” I knew exactly what girl.
“The one you banged in Manhattan when you were supposed to be on the job.”
I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t on the job anymore, asshole. I was supposed to be on a plane, but my flight was canceled.”