Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 104729 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104729 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
“You can do this,” Alaric says from behind me. His words tickle my ear right before he kisses the nape of my neck.
I’m not sure if he’s talking about shooting or finally voicing what happened that day so many years ago.
I choose the latter.
“The day my parents died …” I pause, trying to find my words.
“You don’t have to tell me more.”
“That’s the thing, I don’t have to, but I want to. I want you to know all of me.”
His lips place another kiss on my bare skin. “Then I’m listening.”
“I could have stopped it. They were being shot at, but I could have stopped it. There was a gun. I-I …” A sob breaks through me. A cry I have been holding onto since I was a little girl. “I had the gun, and my parents, they begged me to shoot.”
“It’s not your fault. You were a child.”
“I froze. Don’t you understand? I froze. I had the gun in my hand, and instead, I watched them die.”
His hand lifts and turns my jaw to face him.
“It’s not your fault. You need to forgive yourself.”
Looking into his eyes, I see his own feeling mirrored in him. He’s struggling with the same guilt as me. A deep-seated guilt that leaves a stain on your soul.
A stain that will only go away with forgiveness.
Inhaling deeply, I pull in the oxygen around me. I breathe in the warm salty beach air. Then I exhale. “I’m ready.”
“Me too,” he whispers, his eyes darker than normal, filled with years of pain begging to be released as well.
With his help, I aim the gun, wrapping my fingers around the trigger.
“Strength is struggling but refusing to surrender. You got this, Phoenix. You are the strongest woman I know.”
I allow my eyes to close for a beat, and when they open, I gather all the strength inside me to push past all the resistance.
I shoot.
The moment goes slow. Like a movie scene where the camera fades out and time stops for a beat.
“You’re incredible,” I hear Alaric say, and as my heart beats frantically against my breastbone, I feel at peace.
Neither of us speaks for the next few minutes as both of us bask in the weight of the moment. Eventually, I step away from where his arms are wrapped around me and turn to face him.
“Now?” he asks.
My eyes linger on him, soaking in every last inch as we prepare for this journey. After I nod, my gaze moves back to the island.
This small but beautiful island.
It’s the type of private paradise that if I could, I would buy it and build a house. Plant my own garden and live in peace. And a working boat, of course.
With a soft tug at my heart, I turn away from it and step into the raft and sit.
“We are going to have to paddle to get away from the land.” He hands me the paddles. “I probably won’t need your help. But here, just in case.”
“If you are the one doing the work, do you want the good ones?”
“I’ll be fine. Remember, I can build a coconut radio.” He smirks.
“Wait, a minute … I thought you couldn’t.” I laugh.
“I only said that to make sure you were stuck with me.”
“And why would you go through all that trouble for little old me?”
“Because you are worth it,” he says, and there is no humor in his voice.
For a second, I’m wondering if I’m imagining his comment, but his face is soft and thoughtful.
Then he turns back toward the island, one more look.
One more glance.
Before we put it all in the past.
“I’m going to miss it,” I admit. “Is that weird?”
“No. Me too.” His voice is so low I think I imagined his comment.
After that, we don’t speak. Alaric is deep in concentration, paddling us out to sea, and I stare into the horizon, a lonely tear dripping down my cheek.
I’m not sure why I’m crying, but I am.
One tear leads to two and three, and then they pour out of my soul.
When we are finally far enough out, he places the paddle down and then pulls me into his arms. He holds me tight as if it might be the last time. It might be.
Together, we hold each other, and with each second that passes, the island becomes one with the sky, lost in the deep blue ocean. A mirage.
If my heart wasn’t breaking, I would almost think this was all a dream.
38
Alaric
It’s been hours since we left. I have the canopy half down to steer, not that I know where I’m going.
If only I knew where I started.
The last time I looked at the map, there were too many tiny islands that I couldn’t pinpoint where we ended up.
On the ocean, we are a small speck, like a tiny grain of sand in a never-ending beach.