Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 71880 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71880 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
I didn’t.
I mean, I did. I absolutely did, but fuck him. Fuck me. Fuck him for getting us to this point. Fuck everything. Fuck, I was tired. Just fuck.
There’s an idea.
I suppressed a sigh.
“But considering how I’ve behaved…” He swallowed and kept his gaze fixed on something on the ground. “You’re not some sidekick in this fight, Joel. You’re hands down the best marksman I’ve ever laid eyes on, and when you silence the worried dad in you—like you did tonight—you’re an incredible soldier.”
Well, shit. Was that really Elliott talking? Was he sick? Dying?
“Are you dying?” I asked.
He exhaled a silent chuckle through his nose and took another drag from his smoke.
I guessed he wasn’t going to answer.
“Thank you.” I cleared my throat and scratched my jaw.
I wasn’t sure I felt anything at his praise, but I knew myself well enough. It’d come later. I’d never been good at hiding my feelings or reactions, so maybe I’d get sucked back in and grieve losing him—even though I’d never really had him—when this was over. When we went back to seeing each other once a year for Blake’s birthday. Maybe not even then, depending on what I could handle. Because suppressing hurt didn’t mean erasing it. Masking it with anger didn’t mean shit either. I still felt the hold he had on me every goddamn day.
“I, uh…I talked to Reese earlier.” He furrowed his brow to himself, evidently not planning on making eye contact during this…whatever the hell it was. He was definitely uncomfortable. “It got me thinkin’, and I guess there’s one thing I never understood.”
I blew out some smoke and waited.
“For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been the first to lay your cards on the table,” he continued. “You’ve never hesitated to be vulnerable and take the initiative. Ma loves telling the story of when my sister came home from kindergarten one day with stars in her eyes. She completely bullshitted, by the way. She told you she loved football and watching Navy ships, and you declared her your best friend.”
I huffed a laugh, having figured that out. It’d taken me forever, but yeah. Piper hated that shit.
“You made a move on me damn quick that summer I was on leave,” he added.
Well, yeah. He’d already been my biggest fantasy for a few years at that point.
Once I was out of high school, I’d hoped he’d stop seeing me as his sister’s annoying friend.
“You were just always so fucking honest,” he said. “Except for when I came down to visit after you and Piper got together.” He finally turned to me, and he didn’t hide the bitterness and anger and hurt and… He didn’t hide anything, but it wasn’t extreme. It was just Elliott. He was great at concealing his emotions, so when he let a fraction of them show, I noticed. “You couldn’t look me in the eye and admit you’d changed your mind. That you’d chosen her.”
I frowned. That was where he dove into our story? Like there wasn’t a precursor? I’d avoided him for a fucking reason.
For the record, I’d chosen Piper because Elliott had made his choice already. And it hadn’t been me.
“You’re right,” I said. “I have always been honest. I have always gone after what I wanted. But when that person decided to stay married to his wife… Elliott, I have fucking limits. Why would I put myself out there again—”
“I did divorce her!” he whispered angrily. “So I was a little late—”
“A little late.” I laughed with zero humor in my voice. “Yeah, you were a little late. And also, fuck you—I did try to explain to you. Maybe I was a little late, but I was so fucked in the head for you that I got drunk at my own wedding because I couldn’t let you go.” Sweet Jesus, I guessed all the embarrassing truths were coming out now. Someone stop me. “I told you at the reception, didn’t I? I tried to make you understand.”
“Oh yeah, no, I definitely got the message,” he chuckled darkly. “I remember vividly how you stood there and admitted that you once thought you were gonna spend the rest of your life with me, but then you changed your mind because Piper’s the love of your life. Felt amazing to hear.”
Whoa, what the fuck, what?
I reeled back, or sideways, then jumped to my feet and dropped my smoke. “Piper’s the love of—excuse me?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Seriously, the shock that slammed into me was almost a physically painful blow. I ended up on the last step and stared right back at him. “I thought I was the one who got drunk! I was talking about Blake, you stupid fuck. I fucking explained to you—I couldn’t go any other route. I couldn’t picture my life without Blake anymore. I was watching her goof off on the goddamn dance floor when I talked to you!” I threw out my arms, frustrated beyond belief—and wishing I didn’t remember that so well. It’d been fucking painful. And to be frank, Piper hadn’t deserved it. Not that she knew her husband had made a complete idiot of himself at our wedding reception.