Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 87601 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 438(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 292(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87601 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 438(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 292(@300wpm)
Elaina sighs. “You’re the Romeo and Juliet of the lobster world. Which reminds me…” She collects her mug of spiked cider from the end table, taking a sip. “My book club pick is similarly juicy and star-crossed, but with less fish guts.”
“Thank goodness,” Maya says.
“There’s a new stalker romance out based loosely on Romeo and Juliet,” Elaina continues. “But Romeo’s a creepy stalker, Juliet’s blind, and they’re both in college. I’m pretty sure there’s a decent amount of bondage and kinky shit, too.” Her lips curve into a Cheshire Cat grin. “In any event, I need it in my eye holes, and I want you nerds to fall in love with evil Romeo along with me.”
Maya pouts. “But I don’t want a man to stalk me. I don’t like bad guys.”
Elaina clucks her tongue. “Of course, not, Maya-Moo. Neither do I. But there are different rules for book boyfriends.”
She’s so right.
Take my ex, Adrian, a tortured, rebel-without-a-cause type with brooding brown eyes and a beef with his real estate tycoon father. He would make a great romance novel hero. In real life, however, Adrian’s family issues and unrelenting drive to be more successful than his dad left little time to attend to the needs of anyone else…including his girlfriend. He was never there for me, even when I could tell he wanted to be. He was too distracted by his own unresolved issues.
Eaten alive might be a better description…
I can sort of identify. My father is a workaholic, too. He stayed late at the office most of my childhood and left me with nannies in the city while he went to The Hamptons every other weekend on alleged “business.” But he was there when I really needed him. He never missed an award ceremony or science fair, unlike Adrian’s dad, a soulless, money-hungry billionaire who basically disappeared from Adrian’s life when he was still in elementary school.
But of course, Bad Dad got away with abandoning his child without the slightest stain on his reputation. Men routinely get away with the kind of behavior that would end a woman—in real life and in novels. Romance heroes can be flawed as hell, but so many heroines are still virgins who run cafés and save animals in their spare time.
Huh…
Elaina would actually be a great romance novel heroine, if it weren’t for the fact that she’s slept with every reasonably attractive man in a fifty-mile radius. She’s unabashedly sex-positive.
I’m the uptight virgin, but not even my best friends know about that.
At twenty-four, being inexperienced is starting to feel like something I should keep to myself, just to avoid uncomfortable questions I’m not sure how to answer.
“Book boyfriends are fantasy, not reality,” Elaina continues. “Book boyfriends can be psychotic, obsessed, bossy jerks, and it’s fine. Hot, even. Some real-life guy tries that shit, and we’re going to have a problem.”
“Though Mark was doing some pretty hot bossy talk the other day behind the warehouse,” Gertie mutters, sending Elaina leaping from the couch to tackle her onto the carpet.
“Spill all the details, you evil weasel!” Elaina shouts. “Quit taunting me!”
They grapple amidst the cavorting kittens, Gertie giggling and Elaina cursing, while Maya calls out over the ruckus, “Why do you two always have to get physical? You haven’t played rugby in years.”
“Because Gertie is a tease,” Elaina says, grunting as the taller, more muscular Gertie easily flips her onto her stomach and pins her arms behind her back.
“When are you going to learn, woman?” Gertie asks with a fond shake of her head. “You run a cat café. I haul lobster cages onto a boat six days a week. You are no longer any match for my level of physical fitness.”
Elaina grunts and squirms fruitlessly for her freedom. “I’m going to start working out any day now. Yoga starts back up at the YMCA in September.”
“Yoga will not be enough,” Gertie says flatly. “Yoga girls are no match for lobster girls. That’s just science.”
“Speaking of lobster, are we still on for the Friends of the Feast lobster boil at the Moose Club next Friday? It’s my last weekend before I head back to the city,” I say, collecting Maybe from the floor as he returns to our side of the otherwise empty café. He snuggles against my chest, but his gaze remains locked on Gertie and Elaina as he lets out a plaintive meow.
“We’re totally going.” Elaina grunts, trying to poke Gertie in the back with her ballet flat and failing miserably. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
“Good. Now stop wrestling. You’re upsetting Maybe,” I say, laughing as the tiny cat meows in agreement.
“Sorry, Maybe, I gotta show this skinny brat who’s boss every once and a while.” Gertie rolls off Elaina and hops to her feet. “And I need more spiked cider. Anyone else? I finally have a day off tomorrow. I intend to spend it gently hungover, eating French fries in bed and watching bad horror movies.”