Total pages in book: 216
Estimated words: 206530 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1033(@200wpm)___ 826(@250wpm)___ 688(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 206530 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1033(@200wpm)___ 826(@250wpm)___ 688(@300wpm)
I laugh as I run forward and scoop Dean into my arms before he runs straight into Samson’s giant hooves.
All the horses are good around Dean. As soon as the baby was born, the first thing Xavier did when we got home from the hospital was immediately start doubling down on training the horses on their halt commands. He trained them in every conceivable situation with dolls and with recordings of baby cries, squeals, and shouts. Every hour that wasn’t spent with us was spent out with the horses.
He had loops of baby noises on repeat in the stable while he groomed them, rode them, put them out to the paddock or pasture for the day—you name it, there was a non-stop baby soundtrack on.
The vet, Hunter, had helped out while Xavier was away and I was pregnant by lending us Carlos, his intern for the summer. Carlos stayed at the resort rent free and took care of the horses in the morning and evening after his rounds with Hunter. He was still with us after we got home from the hospital and the baby-soundtrack about drove him crazy. He constantly wore ear plugs. I think he was more than happy to say goodbye to us when his time with Hunter was done and he went back to the city for school.
At the facility where Xavier spent several months, they worked with him on his need to control every little detail of a situation. He continues to work on it but argues that training horses is still about constant repetition. He has biweekly calls with his doctor to discuss boundaries.
And if you think it means he’s given up his love of discipline in and out of the bedroom when it comes to me, think again.
Case in point:
“Mommy’s looking a bit hungry, don’t you think, big boy? I think it’s time to take her in and feed her.”
Yep, while occasionally I get to feed myself, most meals still come from his hand.
And yeah, I kind of love it now.
“Horsey!” is Dean’s response.
Xavier scoops Dean out of my arms and hefts him up to Samson’s long nose. Dean immediately starts to blow in Samson’s nose. Samson blows back and Dean lets out a peal of giggles. He does it again and gets the same response. It’s become a game between them.
I roll my eyes. Dean’s only twenty-two months old and is already horse crazy. I rue the day he actually starts riding. Naturally, Xavier is already talking about getting him a small pony.
Which shows how far he’s come because there’s so much you can’t control when it comes to animals. He about had a fit when I wanted to get back on a horse four months after giving birth.
While there have been some bumpy moments, overall, things have been wonderful. The time at the clinic finally helped Xavier face his demons. His nightmares are only very occasional now and he’s able to talk about them in a way he wouldn’t before. The clinic helped him begin to believe that what happened at the air base wasn’t his fault and to work through his survivor’s guilt and his PTSD.
His relationship with his parents? Well, that’s still a work in progress. Pritchard still lives in DC for most of the year, but he and Xavier’s mom fly out every couple months to spend time with their grandson. Pritchard and Xavier have even managed to have a few civil conversations when I wasn’t present to referee.
My dad? We talk almost every day over Skype. We have a vacation to the Maldives planned for later this year, the first time I’ll see him since it all began and the first time he’ll get to meet his grandson face to face. Does it suck he has to live in exile all his life? Yes. But at the same time, what he did wasn’t a victimless crime. While a lot of the people defrauded by him were rich Wall Street assholes, there were plenty of regular folks who lost their pensions, too, in his scam.
At least I’m protected by Xavier’s father’s name. And the fact that no one else knows where Dad is and he stays disappeared. In the meantime, he enjoys fishing every day and has taken up pottery and painting.
I’m sad he’ll never get to know his amazing grandson beyond talking to him on a screen a few minutes a day. But my focus is on my new family.
Family. Something I never thought would be an important part of my life at all. And now it’s everything.
Progress all around.
“Okay, time to say bye to horsey,” Xavier says.
Dean starts to whine but Xavier just gives him a look. The serious dad look.
Ugh, that never works for me. Probably because whenever I look at my son who is an absolutely adorable tiny, little version of his father, I’m always far too tempted to give in to him. And he knows it and now tries to manipulate me and game the system. Smart little punk.