Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 85553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 428(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 428(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
Dreams of my father—of someone’s father—are plaguing me. It’s making me crazy, because I keep dreaming about a man I’ve never met, and it’s making my head even messier. So I keep to myself and ignore the looks of pity that the others are shooting in my direction. Skarr and resonance are turning out to be part of a much bigger problem—how can I commit myself to anyone or anything when I don’t know who I am?
This thought bounces around in my head over and over.
If anyone else is having a mental crisis like this, they’re hiding it well. They gather near the fire—tended by someone else—and make camp, all the while talking. Some of the women are struggling with the cold and the activity, but most seem to be settling in well. Daisy chats with Sabrina and Dawn, making a stew from fresh meat, while others set up tents in the snow. We’ve picked a spot between a few bluffs to keep out the worst of the wind, and we’re told that tomorrow night we’ll be at Icehome Beach.
Our new home.
I don’t participate in any of this. I hover just near enough to the fire that it feels like I’m “there” and far enough that no one will talk to me. I listen to the others without really paying attention, and no one offers me soup and I don’t demand any for myself. Funny how I can stand up to Skarr and his preening all day long, but the moment I need to point out that no one passed the soup bowl all the way in the back to me and my mouth locks up tight.
As for Skarr, he is enjoying himself near the fire. He talks with Valmir about battles in the past, gesturing with an animal bone about stabbing something in the gut. Valmir looks as if he wants to roll his eyes, but there’s a smile on his face. O’jek listens nearby, shaking his head and butchering another kill.
“You just have not seen it for yourself,” Skarr says suddenly. “I know this. I have been near her ever since we resonated. She is stealthy but wise. Only a true fool would show all their strength at once. That is why she is quiet. She hides in plain sight.” The look on his face is nothing short of utter pride, and when he scans the group, I know he’s looking for me.
Oh no, not again. Not this weird crowing about how I’m the best just because his khui happened to pick mine. It’s downright embarrassing, and all the more so because it’s not true. I hunch my shoulders and try to look busy, fiddling with the straps on the pack I’ve carried all day (and now sits across my lap). Maybe if I shrink down enough, he won’t notice me behind Gabriela, because she’s tall.
“Vivi! Come forward!” Skarr says, a note of delight in his voice. “Let me show you off to Valmir! He does not believe me when I say you are strong and lovely!”
Oh god. The man is a walking, talking pile of cringe. I get up and quickly leave the group by the fire.
“Vivi,” Skarr calls again. “Vivi!”
I ignore him, hurrying a bit faster. I can’t go far—only an idiot would wander into the endless snows at night—but I want to get away, if only for a little bit. I head in the direction that we’re supposed to be using to go to the bathroom, pointing at a designated bushy area when I pass by the moden, who is on perimeter guard. If I pretend I’m hiding in the bathroom (so to speak) for a few hours, no one will come after me, right?
But once I get to the designated potty bush, I keep on going. I follow the side of the cliff, heading deeper into the night. I tell myself just a little farther and then I’ll sit and collect my thoughts. Every time I consider stopping, though, I hear the laughter from the group, or someone shouting something, and it makes me keep walking.
Then, the clouds clear overhead and the moons come out, and the tight, narrow canyons of rock open up. The stars unfurl overhead, bright and endless, and I stop, awed by the sheer beauty.
I don’t know which one is the North Star, or if it’s even visible from where I’m at. But looking at the stars eases some of the anxiety racing through me.
“Vivi!” Skarr’s voice. He’s followed me.
The anxiety returns.
I hurry on. The snowy path slopes and I follow along, my footsteps crunching in the snow. There’s an icy layer on top since there was no fresh snow today, and I pause when I see tracks illuminated in the moonlight. New tracks, heading toward camp.
Crouching, I study them, determined to make out what sort of creature it is. In my memories, there’s a bit of knowledge about tracks, about the angle of the feet and how they strike on the snow. I’ve tracked before, and the knowledge fills me with a giddy warmth.