Total pages in book: 43
Estimated words: 39971 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 200(@200wpm)___ 160(@250wpm)___ 133(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 39971 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 200(@200wpm)___ 160(@250wpm)___ 133(@300wpm)
It turns out that this airline is being pretty particular right now, and not accepting any trades or rescheduling of airfare, maybe because of the holiday weather, or the fact that it's peak travel season. No matter though, since this was only supposed to be a short break from the start.
I have to be back quickly anyway for practice, so I fly out in two days, and that's good. I wish it were sooner but it could be worse.
I kind of can't wait to be back. We're at the height of our football season right now and I've been doing extremely well. I know that's because I've been doing my best not to focus on Bella or any other distractions.
Clearly I haven’t always succeeded at that goal but as time passes, I’m able to clear my head some, which has really helped. My coach has been happy and that’s all I can ask for.
I go to the fridge and grab myself something to drink. Try as I might, there are times like right now that I just can't help myself and Bella is all that I can think about.
When I grab my drink and sit back down, I get on the computer and try doing searches for her online. This consists of finding out what school she goes to and things like that, or typing up her name to see if any of her social media links will appear.
I know some people might consider me to have stalker-like tendencies when it comes to this hobby of mine, but I just wonder if Bella is okay and what she's thinking or feeling and if she misses me and what we did together.
After about an hour of doing this, I find nothing new, so I give up like usual. I can never resist the urge to try again, though, so at least I know it’s still futile.
I grab my drink and go back upstairs to my old bedroom to get ready for bed. I strip off my clothes and walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower.
I don't even wait for the water to get steamy before climbing into it. It warms up as I stand there underneath the water, thinking.
There is no way to contact Bella no matter how hard I try. Maybe it's time I finally forget about her and move on.
I mean, what's the point of still obsessing over her if I can never talk to her again or get a hold of her?
Besides, Derek is still acting weird again, so I guess that's the fucking end of all that for now.
Yes, this is my only option, to forget about her and move on. It’s not just the best option but it’s also truly the only one.
Plus, there are some positives to this only option. It's going to keep my head clear and keep me focused on the game. I know this is going to be easier said than done. Obsessing over Bella has become as natural to me as breathing.
We've both been a part of each other's lives for so long that to have her missing from it now feels so weird. But I have to respect her wishes, and Derek’s, and since I can’t be with her, this might be what’s best for me, too.
I soap up and scrub up and just spend a long time showering because I don’t want to have to move forward with anything.
I'm going to have difficulty sleeping tonight.
As much as I want to forget about Bella, it's going to be impossible to just force her completely from my mind.
But that’s what I have to try to do.
I rinse off and then get out of the shower.
Once out, I wrap a towel around myself after I dry off.
Then I go into my bedroom and just lay down to relax for a little bit.
I don't have any plans on falling asleep right away. Especially because I don’t want to dream of Bella and all the things that I wish could have happened between us, just like I always do, every night, and probably always will, at least for the foreseeable future, no matter how much I try not to.
Chapter 12 – Bella
I’m nine months along now, so it’s finally almost time for the baby to be born. It’s February now, and she’s actually due on Valentine’s Day.
Ever since the end of the fall semester, I’ve been staying with Janice at her parents’ vacation home.
They've been surprisingly helpful and have even been supporting me financially. They're so concerned about my situation that they’ve been treating me like their own daughter.
I'm so big now that I don't even fit into any of my regular clothes. Janice and I had gone shopping for maternity clothes a month or so back, even though I’d been trying to put it off, claiming I didn’t need to spend money on things I’d only wear for such a short amount of time.