Total pages in book: 43
Estimated words: 39971 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 200(@200wpm)___ 160(@250wpm)___ 133(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 39971 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 200(@200wpm)___ 160(@250wpm)___ 133(@300wpm)
Because who would smile in such a time as this?
Only my crazy ass!
At that moment the front door opens, and my brother walks in.
Great, I think sarcastically.
"Oh, hey, Janice. Hey sis," Derek says.
He throws his keys onto the coffee table and then walks into the kitchen. Janice looks at both of us.
"So, I’m glad we could hang out and chat, and I’ll call you later," she says, changing the subject by getting up and waving goodbye to me.
I’m glad she has the ability to act nonchalant so that Derek doesn’t catch on to something being different.
"Yeah, great. I'll talk to you later too," I say, hoping I don’t sound too stupid.
I walk Janice to the door, where she gives me a quick hug before leaving. I shut the door behind her, thinking that I might as well lay the groundwork for future discussions with my brother, if necessary.
I walk into the kitchen, then lean against the counter while he rummages in the refrigerator for food. He begins making a sandwich for himself, laying out all the ingredients on the counter.
“You want one?” he asks me, as he goes to the cabinet to pull out a plate.
He’s probably wondering why I’m staring at him in silence unless I’m hungry, but I shake my head and clear my throat, telling myself to practice talking before he realizes how weird things have gotten.
"So, the fact that Steve isn't around here anymore is kind of funny. That's too bad. I mean, he is a nice guy and kind of cute, too. I guess you could say a lot of the other girls found him cute, anyway," I say, trying to drop some hints about being at least kind of attracted to him, just to gauge his reaction.
Derek had been busy opening a loaf of bread. But he sets it down on the counter and turns to look at me suspiciously.
"Other girls may have found him attractive but I hope you don't. Trust me when I say that he's off pursuing his football career and probably hooking up with a bunch of different cheerleaders as we speak.”
My stomach sinks when he says this, and I want to ask him how he knows, but I can’t, because that could give me away. So, I say nothing and will myself to keep listening, even though I feel like I might actually throw up now— and not due to pregnancy nausea.
“Don’t get me wrong— Steve is a great football player and all that, but he's definitely not boyfriend material for my little sister. You deserve the best of all the guys out there and I don't think Steve is that for you," Derek continues.
He goes back to making his sandwich. I don’t say anything, but my heart is pounding so loudly in my chest that I wonder if he can hear it.
"That’s insane, you having a crush on Steve," he comments, then laughs.
It seems that he thinks it’s a funny joke. A schoolgirl crush that will never amount to anything.
He finishes making his sandwich and then takes his food to the living room, still laughing at his remark. He leaves all the ingredients spread out on the counter, and usually I’d probably put them away for him, but today I consider just leaving them there.
I'm slightly upset and disappointed by those words. I can't believe I was so foolish enough to let this happen. I could kick myself for getting myself into this situation but what can I do?
Logic dictates that I should end the pregnancy, but my heart keeps telling me to keep it— even after what my brother just said about Steve.
Even though I just found out about its existence, it seems I've already formed an attachment to the baby growing inside me. I guess Derek’s right— I must really be insane.
I realize that if I’m so determined to have this baby, which is an ill-advised plan, I’ll have to figure out how I'm going to do it, because Derek won’t be the only person who thinks I’m crazy once I start showing.
The whole world will think I’ve gone mad, having my brother’s best friend’s baby after just a one-night stand. But then again, I remind myself, there’s no reason they have to know it’s his.
There’s no reason even he has to know it’s his, I decide.
Sure, most parents would want to know they’re going to be a parent but this could only get in the way of his budding football career. What Steve doesn’t know won’t hurt him. It will probably be what’s best, I decide. Especially if he’s the womanizer that Derek makes him out to be.
If he doesn’t know he’s the father, then it won’t interfere with his football career or his chances with the cheerleaders.
I feel like I might vomit again, so I decide to do something useful despite my anger. Maintaining order of my surroundings is what I do when I can't control the outcome of life in general, and today is no exception.