Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 72945 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72945 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
I’m jealous, because I feel far from both comfort and beauty at the moment.
“I swear, ever since I married Ansell, I’ve been twice as busy,” she says leaning back in her chair with a sigh. “Like seriously, I’m doing twice the work.”
“You love it though.”
“I really do.” She takes off her glasses and grins at me. “How are you holding up?”
I shrug and kick my feet up on another chair, leaning back with my hands behind my head. “Well, I’m still pregnant, with all the lovely joy that brings.”
“I’m sorry, isn’t pregnancy just, like, one long glow? Like you’re always just… glowing? That’s what people make it look like on social media.”
“No, Marie. I don’t glow. I don’t even dimly shine or whatever. My feet hurt, my boobs hurt, I’m exhausted and moody and emotional, and I’m just getting past my morning sickness, which sucked, by the way. And I hear it doesn’t get better.”
“Does it help if I said that’s going to be me pretty soon?”
I sit up straight. “You’re trying?”
“Well, less trying, and more like… not being careful.” She blushes slightly and chews on a pen.
“Were you ever?”
“Point taken.”
I laugh and sit back with a groan. “Seriously, how can my back hurt this much, and I’m barely, like, two months pregnant?”
“You know, I’m close with the boss. I can negotiate for some early maternity leave if you want.”
“God, no,” I say, shaking my head. “He only just hired me back, and basically because he feels sorry for what happened with—” I hesitate, unable to say his name.
Marie notices my pause and steps right in to cover the awkward silence. “Ansell doesn’t care. He likes you and you’re a good employee. Besides, Drake’s been doing great, we can afford to pay you to have an easy pregnancy.”
“Can’t do it, mostly because having work helps. And I think my dad would turbo-shame me if I tried to take it easy.”
“Does he know about the baby?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. I think Max told him, but I haven’t been taking his calls.”
“Probably for the best.”
“Yeah, well, that’s one less man in my life.”
We lapse into silence. I stare down at my nails and try not to think about him for the hundredth time today, but by trying not to think about him, suddenly I’m thinking about him, feeling his lips on my neck, his hands on my body, his deep masculine purr of pleasure as he—
Marie says, “You know, it’s been a month, and still nobody’s heard from him. I know you don’t like to talk about Baptist, but, you know, I figured you deserved an update.”
Worry hits me, but I shove that worry away.
I have to keep reminding myself.
He abandoned me.
I told him I’m pregnant with his baby and instead of stepping up and doing the right thing, which I don’t even know what’s right since I don’t know what I want from him, he just ran away after mumbling something about Cowan being right and him being sorry and him loving me.
That’s the worst part of this whole thing.
He said he fucking loves me. And yet he still ran away.
Now, it’s been a month and nobody has heard a single word.
“Ansell hasn’t seen him at all? He hasn’t even heard about him?”
“Unless he’s lying, which he isn’t. I’m sorry, I know you want to find him again, but it’s like he’s gone. Ansell’s pretty fucking worried even though he’s not saying it.”
“I’m fine,” I say, which is a lie and she knows it’s a lie, but she doesn’t correct me. “I’m really fine,” I say anyway, blinking back tears.
“Sweetie,” she says with a sigh and comes over. She drapes her arms around me and hugs. “I shouldn’t have brought him up. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” I say, forcing back the tears. “We have to talk about him sometime, right? I’m going to have this kid eventually.”
We hug for another minute before she returns to her seat and puts on her glasses. We chat for a bit longer, mostly about work, before I finally decide I can’t take it anymore and head out for the day. She blows me a kiss and I blow one back before I wander to my cube, gather my things, and head downstairs.
It’s strange, being back at Drake. The moment I stepped in through the door, it was like I never left. I wasn’t gone long enough for anything to have changed, and everyone treats my brief foray into film production with Baptist as a very random, very strange vacation, but it’s like I’m picking up my spot in a book I left on my nightstand. Nobody mentions my former producing partner, and I wonder if Marie and Ansell spread the word: Baptist is forbidden, verboten, canceled.
In the lobby, I pause to glance at myself in the mirror near the guard’s booth. The guy behind the counter is too busy looking at his phone to notice me studying my own face like a crazy person. I look tired—even I can admit it—and although I haven’t really begun to put on baby weight, I feel like I’m already swelling. Soon, I’ll have an enormous belly, and I won’t be able to pretend like nothing is wrong for a little while, because I’ll have a physical reminder constantly making sure I don’t forget about my failures and all my problems. The memory of Baptist will be forever locked in my brain, especially when I have his baby. Whether I like it or not, this baby will look at least something like their father, and I’ll be confronted with that for the rest of my life.