Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 94915 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94915 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 316(@300wpm)
“Kim,” I say, shaking my head.
“No, wait, I don’t want you to start apologizing.” She gives me a hard look and takes off her sunglasses. “You always do that. You apologize because you don’t want to have the hard conversation.”
She’s definitely right about that. Saying I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault, I’ll do better is a fantastic avoidance mechanism and works most of the time.
But it’s also how I feel. I am sorry, and usually I think whatever it is really is all my fault.
Kim keeps talking before I can cut in. “I should’ve said something sooner. I didn’t know what was going on with your dad after Cormac died, but I should’ve seen it. All those long-sleeve shirts even when it was hot as fuck outside, the way you refused to let me come over anymore—” Her voice cracked. “If Julien hadn’t kicked the shit out of your father, I would have.”
I stare down at my hands, feeling very small. “Does everyone know now?”
“We put it together. After what Julien did to him. You know we live in a fucked world when it wasn’t even a surprise.”
“I never expected you to do anything about it. You have your own shit to deal with. Your mother—”
“My mom’s a piece of work, but she doesn’t hit me.” Kim’s voice cracks again and she rubs her face. “Shit, I need to keep it together. This isn’t about me.”
We lapse into silence. I stare at the water, thinking about how hard I tried to hide what my dad was doing to me after Cormac died. Can Kim really blame herself for any of it? I sure as hell don’t blame her. I went out of my way to try to keep her from the truth.
“It’s over now,” I say after we stew in an uncomfortable silence. “I’ll deal with it. That’s the best I can do.”
“I’m here to listen, if you ever need someone.”
“I know that.” I reach out and take her hand in mine. God, now we’re both crying. “But hey, good news, I can probably afford a therapist now.”
She laughs and wipes her eyes. “You can probably afford an entire practice of therapists.”
“I’ll hire three. One for me, one for my therapist, and another for my therapist’s therapist, just so we’re all feeling good.”
“Make your new husband work. That’s the spirit.”
“Well, his bank account at least.”
I grin at her and she grins back, and I feel like I’m smiling to hold back all the self-loathing and anger I feel simmering on the inside. I don’t want Kim to feel bad for me, and I sure as hell don’t want her feeling bad that she somehow let me down.
She didn’t. My father is to blame and nobody else.
I don’t love that the Hayes family is talking about my abusive father, but at least now it’s out in the open and I don’t have to go through the awkwardness of telling people. I just hope Ronan doesn’t kill him, that’s all.
Though I’m not even sure why I care.
I change the subject and we talk about easier stuff, and when we go inside to refill our drinks together, I hear the front door open.
“Uh-oh,” Kim says, pouring more prosecco into her glass. “Is that the man himself?”
Julien comes into the kitchen. He frowns at me and only glances at Kim before giving her a nod. “You’re the girl that wanted to punch me in the face,” he says, but his eyes are locked on me.
Which is weird. Kim’s body is unbelievable—she looks like she spends all her life in the gym even though she’s got to be the laziest person I’ve ever met. I’ve never seen a man able to ignore her like this before, especially when her tanned skin is covered in goosebumps and her nipples are hard from the air conditioning chill.
“You’re the man that married my best friend. But don’t think that gets you off the hook. I still kind of want to punch you in the face.”
His lips curl into a smile. “Glad you two are having a nice time,” he murmurs to me. “I’ll be in my office if you need me.”
Julien gets a water from the refrigerator then retreats back into the apartment. Kim’s eyebrows are raised once he’s gone and she lets out a low whistle. “Did you see that?” she asks.
“See what?” I’m staring after Julien, biting my lip.
“He was staring at you like you were the freaking aurora borealis.”
I fight a smile, but she’s right, he really was. And I’m in my dowdy cover-up, not looking particularly hot or anything, while my gorgeous best friend has her considerable assets out on display.
Julien only had eyes for me.
A shiver runs down my spine as I turn back to the terrace. “Who cares?” I ask her, slamming my walls back into place.