Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 67095 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 224(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67095 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 224(@300wpm)
“Will do.”
I grin when I turn around and head back inside. I pick up the cookies from Katie for Mac before I get back in my truck and head home. Part of me wants to drive right over to Mackenzie’s and tell her that I now understand what she was saying. That I get that she just wanted to help me. But I need to fight that urge until I take care of a few more things—even if it is killing me to stay away from her.
Cutting open the top of one of the packing boxes that I have ignored since I moved to New York, I take a breath. When you spend your whole life in one city and grow up with the same group of friends, good and bad memories tend to be connected to the objects you own. Dustin was part of most of the things I’ve kept locked away and unpacked so I wouldn’t have to face the pain of losing him all over again. I didn’t realize until I talked to a counselor who suggested I speak with his parents about that fact that I feel responsible for his death. The counselor said that talking with them might give me some closure, that hearing from them that they forgive me might set me on the road to healing.
So this afternoon, I called and talked to Dustin’s mom and dad. They had told me before that what happened to Dustin wasn’t my fault, but today was the first time I really heard them. I have been carrying around so much guilt, so much self-hate. From the beginning of our friendship, I was always Dustin’s protector. He was the smaller, weaker one of the two of us, so it was my job to look out for him and to keep him safe. It had always been that way, from the day we met, when I stepped in and protected him from a couple of older kids who were picking on him. After that, we became best friends and were inseparable. I knew that he would always be in my life, and I would always be in his. We would probably name our kids after each other and force our wives to be best friends because we were. There would never be a time when we didn’t have each other.
I close my eyes and remind myself that I can’t go back or dwell on what could have been. Dustin wouldn’t want that for me. If he knew the way I have been pushing everyone away since his death, he’d probably kick my ass. I know for sure he’d kick my ass if he knew about Mackenzie and the way I dismissed her feelings and her concern.
I pull out the first object in the box that my hands touch, and I smile when I see it’s a photo of Dustin and me in our uniforms. We were twenty and had both just graduated from the academy. We thought we knew everything at that moment, but we learned quickly that we didn’t know anything. Our first year on the force was the hardest and most fulfilling of them all. It taught us a lot about the men we were becoming. Setting the framed photo on the shelf, I spend the rest of the day unpacking box after box.
It’s after eleven at night when I finally finish, but I can’t sleep. All I can think about is tomorrow, when I plan on winning my woman back. I just pray that she accepts my apology. If she doesn’t, I will just have to kidnap her and tie her to my bed.
Chapter 13
A FRESH START
MAC
After the buzzer in my office goes off, I press the button to unlock the door and then pop a few more Tums in my mouth. On top of not sleeping and morning sickness, I have such bad heartburn that I have been eating Tums like candy.
“Knock, knock.”
Seriously? I inwardly groan when Edward walks through my office door wearing a smile that makes me want to punch him in the face.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, trying to be polite. I’m honestly way too tired to play nice with anyone right now.
“Hello to you, too.” He grins. “I thought I would stop by and see if you wanted to have lunch. I haven’t seen or heard from you since New Year’s.”
“I’ve been a little busy.” I sit back in my chair, praying the antacid works soon.
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine,” I lie. He studies me closely but doesn’t say anything. He knows me well enough to pick up on the fact that I’m lying.
“Well, then, come on. Grab your coat, and let’s go eat.” I don’t want to say yes, but then again I also don’t want to spend the hour before my next client arrives sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I did that yesterday and the day before—and the day before that. The fact that Wesley hasn’t called me in three days bothers me more than I want to admit. I mean, I wouldn’t have answered if he had called, but he still should have called me. Then again, maybe the pregnancy is turning me into a crazy person.