Total pages in book: 23
Estimated words: 21966 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 110(@200wpm)___ 88(@250wpm)___ 73(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 21966 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 110(@200wpm)___ 88(@250wpm)___ 73(@300wpm)
He smiles. “You’re sure that’s what you want? I mean, Jeff’s back and I know there are feelings there.”
“There are feelings here, too. I don’t know about the future, but this is the present. I want you in my present, Jake.”
I can tell my answer doesn’t make him happy. It doesn’t exactly fill me with joy, either. Still, it’s all I dare say right now. I’m scared to let my walls down with Jake. Maybe I’m afraid of the past repeating itself. I don’t know. I just know I need time to sort through the muddled mess that my brain has become.
I’m just grateful that Jake seems to be willing to give that to me.
CHAPTER 5
Jake
“Hey, little man, you feel like stirring the pancakes this morning?” I ask, looking at my son.
Yesterday was an emotional day and the pain on his face? I hate it.
“I’m going to eat at school,” he says, not bothering to look me in the eye.
“Son—”
“I’m not your son! I don’t want you here,” he yells and runs from the room.
I drop my head down and feel tears stinging my eyes. “Fuck,” I hiss.
“It’s going to be okay.”
I look up to find Katie’s grandmother staring at me. I don’t bother to hide my tears. I feel like my heart is being clawed out of my chest.
“It sure doesn’t feel like it, Miss Hazel.”
“He’s just hurting, Jake. That’s all. It makes them lash out.”
A tear escapes and I wipe it away, shaking my head. “I know that. I know I’m the logical choice Lennon sees as the enemy. I want to take him in my arms and tell him the truth, but right now, I’m not sure that would help. I’m pretty sure it would just make things worse.”
“Give him a day or so to process what happened. He loves both you and Jeff. It’s just…”
“He loves Jeff more,” I mumble, not bothering to correct her that Lennon hates me. She thinks he’s over emotional and he is—but there’s more to it than that. He blames me for Jeff being gone. I see it in his face.
“My baby loves everyone. It’s just he knows Jeff more than he does you.”
“I—”
She holds up her hand to cut me off and I snap my mouth shut like a good southern boy. Besides, when Miss Hazel wants the floor, it’s always wise to give it to her.
“Do you want a life with my girl, Jake Ryan?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Then I’m going to give you advice that I gave my daughter this morning before I came in here.”
“What’s that?”
“The past is dead and gone. You can’t relive it. You can’t change the choices that you made. You only have the here and now, and hopefully, what you do now will make the future better.”
“It’s hard to put the past behind me when it keeps coming back to bite me in the ass, Miss Hazel.”
“You weren’t the only one who made decisions you regret, Jake. Everyone involved here has—”
“But—”
“That includes your brother, baby.”
Hardly anyone calls me baby. To be honest, only three women have—Katie, Mom, and Miss Hazel. All three women are people I love and adore. When they speak you listen, but right now I just can’t.
“All due respect, I know where you’re going with this, and I just can’t get there. I’m not going to get over Jeff not telling me I had a son. It’s not only that but he also went a step further and let me believe Lennon was his. He robbed me of years with my son—years in which he was the one forging a bond with my child. I’m not going to be able to forget that, Miss Hazel—not even for you.”
“I’m not asking you to do it for me,” she murmurs.
“I’m afraid I’m not understanding then.”
“Your son loves your brother. He’s helped Katie and held her up when she couldn’t keep going. She may not be in love with him, but she loves him. You want to claim your family, then you need to do it without causing more pain because, heaven knows, there’s been nothing but pain in the past. That’s what is hurting your son. Be the bigger person here and heal your family, Jake. It may not be easy, but I know you have it in you. I know it.”
I watch her walk away. So much is running through my head. My eyes close. I think Katie’s grandmother has too much faith in me. I can’t find it in me to forgive my brother. It’s just impossible. I lift my gaze up to the clock and frown. Lennon may want someone else to take him to school, but he’s getting me. Maybe we can talk on the way to school—although, I have no idea how to connect with him.
Shit. I have no idea what I’m doing. I feel like I’m swimming against the current and I just might be drowning…