Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 119011 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 595(@200wpm)___ 476(@250wpm)___ 397(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 119011 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 595(@200wpm)___ 476(@250wpm)___ 397(@300wpm)
The conversation in the cereal aisle kept replaying in his head until he couldn't stand how he'd let anger get the best of him. And in a public space at that. He’d gotten vulnerable with the asshole. Literally let Zolt fuck him too many times to count, and now he couldn’t help but feel dirty about it. How on earth could Zolt compartmentalize their intimacy like that? They were so much more than friends with benefits. Sure, a relationship with a man was different than the romantic way Leo had treated his past girlfriends, but there was no denying that the thing between them existed.
Leo had agonized over their status many times, and once he’d faced the fact that maybe this was it, that maybe it was okay that he’d fallen for a man and this would be his life now, Zolt didn’t even want him?
Getting his proposal rejected had bruised Leo’s ego, but the cold shoulder from Zolt was shredding his heart. He had never intended getting so involved or feeling this intensely, but it had happened, and there was nothing he could do about it.
His whole adult life he’d been searching for love, trying to find what came so effortlessly to others, only to fall for a guy in the end. He didn’t have to look up definitions of love to understand why he hurt so. Even now, despite the anger simmering in him like bile, he still felt as if being away from Zolt had ripped his skin off and left it to fester. Not knowing where they stood anymore ate into him second by second, because no matter how pathetic it was, he wanted to crawl right back into Zolt’s arms.
Leo sat on a tiny stool in front of the motorcycle with a huff, frustrated to no end that his life had become such a mess.
Sidell and Anders had already arrived, and Leo couldn’t help the rotten sense that Zolt might have been talking to them about him. About the way he’d gotten under Leo’s skin and grabbed whatever he wanted without taking Leo’s feelings into account. Maybe that was how sex and relationships worked for Zolt, but not for Leo. Never for Leo, and so he always ended up with his heart broken.
The smell of oil and cleaning products reminded Leo of the garage at the Smoke Valley MC clubhouse, and it made him long for the safety of his bedroom and the company of family in a way he’d never experienced before. Even Mike’s stupid jokes would have been better than sitting here all alone and feeling like the biggest idiot. How humiliating was it that he still clung to the hope that Zolt would reconsider and talk to him more candidly once his poker buddies were gone.
The obnoxious roar of the approaching car made Leo scowl, but he stayed put, polishing the wheels when the vehicle stopped close behind his back. If there was one person he didn’t want to interact with, it was Neil.
His thoughts sizzled like meat in a pan when the bastard left his car and locked it with a remote, but Leo’s hopes died when he realized the worst menace of Zolt’s poker group didn’t immediately make his way toward the back door and stood behind him like some creep.
“You want something?” Leo asked without bothering to turn around, but even with the sparse light, he could see the shadow of Neil’s form in the polished wheel rims.
Neil let out a theatrical sigh and stepped closer, his feet tapping against the asphalt. “I think taking the dog out when guests are in is the sensible thing to do. Or will you come in soon and bark at us again?”
Leo squinted and clenched his fingers on the small towel in his hand before glancing over his shoulder. “Watch it, Neil, because I might just feel rabid tonight. You ever been bitten?”
Neil’s eyes shone in the lamplight, as if this were just the reaction he’d been waiting for. “Being bitten might hurt, but it’s always the dog that ends up being put down. Better remember that.”
Leo got up from his stool, because he was done facing Neil’s crotch. “What’s your problem, huh? Just go, play your fucking game, lose some money and fuck off.”
It satisfied him to see Neil lean back, as if he feared potential violence despite the way he constantly tried to provoke Leo. “And that’s why you’re not allowed in the house,” he said and turned on his heel, eager to have the last word.
Bastard.
Leo couldn’t scream out his fury, because everything he felt was too private, too tender. If it wasn’t for the drugs, he’d have gone for a long bike ride, driven far into the desert and screamed his lungs out there until he couldn’t feel his throat anymore. But no. He was stuck. Stuck not knowing if he had a boyfriend, stuck in limbo between being straight or gay, stuck with feelings he didn’t even want anymore.