Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 78799 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 394(@200wpm)___ 315(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78799 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 394(@200wpm)___ 315(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
“He wants to make sure I wasn’t fucking around with you.”
“Is that what we did?” I tilt my head to the side as I think about what the two of us shared. “Were we just fucking around?”
I tilt my head up higher, not sure what I want him to say. I want him more than anything, including the affection and care he’s given me. It’s been so long since someone truly cared for me and that’s what he’s been doing. I get this softer side to Xander and I want it all to myself, even if I don’t deserve it.
“Lula, I’m sure there will be times when I fuck you and take you hard and fast. When we don’t have much time, like before our kids come barging into the room, or before we have to be somewhere. I know there will be times when I need you so badly I can’t wait.”
My intake of breath is sharp, but he keeps going.
“But what we did last night was far from fucking. I was claiming you and worshiping your body. I showed you I was an asshole when you first got here, but I’m going to make it right. Last night was the first step in who I can be for you, if you let me.”
It’s so hard to fight back the tears now. “I don’t know what to say to that.” I swallow the lump that’s lodged in my throat.
“Say you love me like I love you.” I close my eyes as tears begin escaping.
He loves me. I shake my head no because this can’t be happening. I want this so badly, but I can’t say those words back to him without him knowing the truth.
When I open my eyes again Xander is looking at the floor. I’ve never seen him so defeated before. He’s always ready to take anyone on.
I love him more than anything in this whole world and he’s made me feel alive again. He’s made me feel like I haven't been robbed of a future and that maybe because of my asshole father I’ve found my destiny.
None of that matters because Xander will hate me if he knows the truth. How could he believe that this was all a coincidence? He thinks he loves me, but he doesn't know all of me. I’ve worked hard to hide the dark parts and uplifted my whole life to keep on hiding from the rest of the world.
“Give me time. I know I’ve been a jerk since you got here, but let me prove it to you.”
“It’s me that needs time.” I sit up on the bed and lean close to him. I brush my mouth against Xander’s, knowing this might be our last kiss. “Will you give me some time to think? I need to process all of this.”
“I don’t want to give you time but I told you I’d give you anything you asked for.” He drops his mouth back down onto mine and kisses me deeply. I cling to him as I memorize every part of his touch. When he steps back I hate the space between us, but it’s exactly what I asked for.
“I’ll go home and try to master something besides pancakes.” He tries to make his tone light and teasing but I know it’s forced. “I’ll see you later.”
“Bye,” I manage to say as I nod in agreement and he backs out of my bedroom.
“I love you,” he says softly before leaving me alone in my room.
I drop down onto my bed and let the tears come, crying into my hands. I know what I have to do and I’m a coward for it. I can’t bring myself to tell Xander the truth and see the way he looks at me change. I don’t want that to be the last thing I have from him. Right now I have him telling me he loves me and teasing me about us having kids.
I wipe my face and steel myself before walking to Kade’s house.
When I knock he answers the door and lets me in. “How’s Collins?”
“She’s napping.”
I’m selfishly thankful because I don't want to tell her the truth either. It’s my father who almost killed her and I’m not sure how Kade is going to handle the news, but he’s the only way I can get off the island. It will be best for everyone.
“Can we talk?”
“Of course. Did Xander fuck things up already?” he teases with a smirk and I shake my head.
“This one is on me,” I admit. He motions for me to enter his office and I sit down in front of his desk.
I take a deep breath and then spill everything. The words come tumbling out of my mouth, but I don’t leave anything out. The entire time Kade leans back, listening to me without even a twitch of a muscle. Once I’m done, I feel like I’ve purged myself of some kind of evil, but I just sit there staring at the unmoving Kade. I keep waiting for him to explode, but he stays still the whole time.