Total pages in book: 60
Estimated words: 56572 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 283(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56572 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 283(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 189(@300wpm)
I smile on instinct but then quickly force it away. What is wrong with me? “You don’t need my permission.”
“I do.”
“No …” I smooth my hand up his arms, then grab his shoulders and squeeze hard so he can feel the tension coursing through me like jolts of electricity. “You don’t because if I give you permission, maybe that little girl inside of me, that idiot who still thinks her evil, sadistic father might love her one day, will blame herself. Maybe she’ll hate herself. So, I know you’re right. I know what needs to happen, but …”
“You want no part of it.”
I swallow, averting my gaze. “That makes me a coward.”
“It makes you human.”
“It makes me a cowardly human.”
When he laughs, he doesn’t seem guilty or ashamed. He brings me in close, kissing the top of my head. “Just wait. Very soon, Drake, you, and I will be together one day. All of this will seem like a distant memory.”
I press my face against his chest, closing my eyes, doing what I do best with Mikhail—letting myself forget.
“It would be super cool,” Ania says, then slides the grape and cheese from the cocktail stick with her teeth.
Ania, Lia, Mikhail, Dimitri, and I are sitting on the back porch of the main house, sharing a late lunch before Mikhail and Dimitri have to return to the city to continue making arrangements for the pledge. Dimitri is being sworn in as the official leader, or Pakhan, of the Sokolov Bratva. Mikhail told me, “Everything will change after that.”
I know he was talking about our closeness, the connection we share. At least he didn’t come right out and start talking about family and the future again.
“If you worked on the game together,” Ania says, “you’re already a programming team.”
Ania beams at me, and I do my best to smile. She’s the only one who seems to make a genuine effort. Maybe that has something to do with the fact she’s the only one out of the five of us who looks like she’s had any sleep whatsoever.
“As long as I get employee of the month, I’m happy with that,” I say, trying to make it a joke.
Mikhail laughs, but it comes out sounding forced and husky. He’ll glance at me every so often, but only for a quick moment. I sense he doesn’t want to bring our relationship out into the open until we know it’ll work. So what the heck is he thinking, talking about families and futures, then? How does that make sense?
“As my only employee, I think you’ll get it,” he teases.
“Is that what you want to do?” Lia asks. “Make games?”
“I don’t even know,” I answer honestly. “I’ve never thought that far ahead. I focus on the day-to-day, usually, and I think it helps—the next project, the next line of code.”
“That’s like me with my painting. No purpose.”
Dimitri flinches like the idea of Lia saying she has no purpose makes him angry. I get the feeling we’re all hiding something around this table. Maybe, except for Ania, though it wouldn’t shock me if she had her own secrets, too.
“It could be fun,” I go on, shrugging. “Working on games. However, working on anything as a programmer would feel like a dream. Even …”
I hesitate, and then Dimitri snaps, “Lia and Ania both know you’ve been helping Mikhail.”
Mikhail bites down, looking at his brother with terrifying eyes for a moment. It reminds me of how he looked after the torture, that wild glint of pure savagery. “She’s just being careful, brother,” Mikhail growls.
Dimitri glances at his brother, then nods. I wonder if Dimitri suspects anything. Maybe he thinks Mikhail is just being a friendly guy. Sometimes, being close to somebody makes it difficult to see what they are, like me with Dad. I hate him, and I’ve dreamed of him dying before, but it’s still a horrible, impossible-to-process mess of emotions.
“Well, I think you’d all make a great team,” Ania continues. “Mikhail and Mila can do the boring programming stuff. Lia, you can do all the artwork. Dimitri and I will be the voice actors!”
That gets a smile out of all of us, disrupting the awkwardness for a second.
“You’d do a great job, Ania,” Dimitri says, “but I’m not sure people want to listen to me for an entire game.”
“Well … duh.” Ania gives him a playful look. “I’d be the hero, and you’d be the villain. So you’d only pop up at the end of the level. Easy.”
“You make it sound so simple,” Dimitri replies.
“How does the game end?” she asks, turning to Mikhail. “In the game, you’re an orphan trying to escape a home, right?”
Lia swallows. The last time Mikhail described his game, I noticed Lia looking uncomfortable. Maybe she’s thinking about finding a family, too. Or perhaps she’s already found hers.