Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 128260 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128260 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
She looked sad, her eyes moving away from mine for a couple seconds. “She doesn’t…”
“Make films anymore?” I finished for her. “No. She lives with some guy. He’s a jackass. We got into it one time about eight months ago when I went to see her and I haven’t been back. But she’s off the prescription meds now—or at least as far as I know.” I actually didn’t even know if she’d heard that I had made a handful of films. I had no real idea what she’d think about that. Being in the business obviously hadn’t given her much satisfaction if any at all, but she knew better than to try and tell me what to do at this point.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know what it’s like not to have a mom—or at least, not one you can count on. But at least I had mine for the first eleven years of my life.”
I thought about that. “Maybe that makes it harder, not easier, buttercup.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just mean that maybe having something good and then having to let it go is more painful than never knowing what you’re missing.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she murmured.
We were both quiet for a few minutes. I looked down at her and put a piece of hair behind her ear. “So pretty,” I murmured.
She made a small sound in the back of her throat. “Do compliments make you uncomfortable?” I asked. She always looked just a little uncertain when I gave her one, or brushed it off in some small way. Surely she had to know how beautiful she was.
“They usually do, but I love hearing them from you,” she said quietly. “I grew up with a dad who’s a guy’s guy, the strong, silent type. He was a great dad, but he didn’t ever tell us girls we were pretty. He wasn’t the type to dish out compliments on any subject really.” She paused. “If he was happy with you, you knew it by the silent, prideful look in his eyes and maybe a chin lift in your direction. I learned to get that look and that chin lift with my accomplishments, never my looks.” She gave a small shrug.
I nodded, thinking that, in that regard, we were probably polar opposites. I got by on my looks alone, rarely with the things I did, or didn’t do. “Well, just for the record, you’re beautiful. A beautiful little buttercup.”
“And you’re a beautiful desert hyena,” she said.
I laughed. “I’ve been given a lot of compliments in my time, but I think that may have been the best one.”
We were both quiet for a few minutes. “Tell me about your first time.” She said after a few minutes.
I put both hands up behind my head and gazed at the ceiling, faking dreamy recollection.
“Sandra Daniels. We were fifteen. I liked her a lot. We spent one beautiful afternoon together at my apartment. The next day at school, as I was walking up to her locker with her favorite breakfast bagel in hand, I heard her telling her friend that now that she had gotten rid of her virginity, she could move on to someone serious who was more suited to a relationship, not just sex. I was crushed.”
I grinned down at Grace, but Grace was the one who looked crushed. “Carson—”
“Oh, no, no, don’t get that look on your face. I was fifteen, buttercup. I’m over it. Scout’s honor.” I held up two fingers in the Boy Scout salute.
She didn’t smile and instead blinked and then looked down. When she finally met my gaze, her eyes were filled with regret. “It’s exactly like my stupid plan, isn’t it?” she said. “It’s awful. I’m awful.”
“Whoa. Wait. I didn’t tell you that story to try to compare you to her. I swear. You asked and that’s how it happened. Like I said, we were fifteen. It’s different.”
She was still and quiet for several long moments, a small frown on her face. “Carson, I want you to know something,” she finally said. “I know that our little ‘arrangement’ this weekend started out like that, but well, I don’t consider you ‘Guy Number Two’ anymore, and I never will. You’re more than that to me. To me you’re Carson, my special desert hyena.” She attempted a smile, but it pretty much failed. She was being way too hard on herself—we had arranged this together. She didn’t have anything to feel badly for, at least not in my book.
I kissed her forehead. “Well, I’ll tell you what,” I said. “I’m just glad this bed is so nice and big, because if you fall out in the middle of the night, I’m not going to have any problem dragging you back up. Never let go, baby.”
She let out a small laugh, and I saw her relax. She brought one hand down to tickle my side.