Total pages in book: 158
Estimated words: 160732 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 804(@200wpm)___ 643(@250wpm)___ 536(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 160732 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 804(@200wpm)___ 643(@250wpm)___ 536(@300wpm)
That explained that.
And when it did, more of that relief washed through me.
Gratitude.
Contentment.
This from receiving the gift of knowing more about him.
What made him.
And what made him amazing.
“So she was an exceptional cook,” I remarked.
A grin quirked his mouth. “Yeah. Mostly, though, she was a mom. She was an old lady. She didn’t put up with any shit. Not from her kids. Not from Dad. She held her own. That didn’t mean she wasn’t affectionate. She was. But Dad was the good-time guy, she was the tough nut. They worked it, because, for the most part, we kept our shit sharp. But if we jacked around too much, she washed her hands of us, went to Dad, and he’d lower the hammer. And since that wasn’t him, if he did that, we knew shit was serious. So we got ourselves in line.”
“Sounds like they had a good system.”
“They were great together.”
God, his voice when he said that.
“I love it that you had that, Buck.”
He bent to brush his lips on mine, moved away and replied, “I do too.”
I sighed under him, loving that he had that, sad for him it was gone.
He kept sharing.
“Mom wanted a good life for her babies. She’s the one who pushed me to learn a trade. And sayin’ ‘push,’ there was pretty much no other road I could take.”
He paused.
It was a weighty pause.
Then he said, “Dad worked hard. Mom did too. We didn’t want for much. And we had all we needed. But she told me no one was gonna hand me shit. I’d have to work for it. I had to learn that. I couldn’t go through life expectin’ the world to look after me. I had to look after myself.”
Perhaps not the same words, but the same message I’d shared with him I thought was important to teach children.
And his reaction to that of weeks ago was also explained.
I dug my fingers into his beard at his jaw and stroked when I hit bone.
“She sounds pretty awesome,” I noted.
“She was. And she and Dad were…” He trailed off.
“They were what?” I prompted when he didn’t go on.
“Lookin’ back, especially recently, I think the reason I was so fucked up about what happened with Kristy and me was because I wanted that. I wanted what they had. I wanted it for me. And knowin’ how it felt, havin’ it growin’ up, I wanted to give that to my kids.”
I sensed there was something there I needed to tease out.
“Was there more to what they had and what they gave you kids that you haven’t told me?” I asked.
“They were into each other.” He tipped his head to the side. “The reason I don’t stray? The reason I won’t stray?”
I nodded for him to go on, keen to hear this.
Not that I wasn’t keen on it all.
But I definitely wanted to know this.
“Dad would never do that. He got it and I get it that there are some bikers who are in the life so they can live theirs a certain way, without the strictures of traditional society fencing them in. And that’s part of it. Bein’ free to do with your dick what you want. But Dad would never turn to another woman, and not only because Ma would lose her shit, turn him out and not look back. He was just into her. She was into him. They made out all the time. They touched a lot. They disappeared in their room for long stretches of time. They were partners. But they were also lovers. And it wasn’t unhealthy or inappropriate how they did it, but they didn’t hide it.”
More explanation of why, from the start, Buck did not hide what he and I were from his kids.
“And they talked,” he continued. “Dad had a bad day, he’d take it to Ma, and she’d listen. Mom, she could hold on to things. But he could read her. And he’d pin her into a corner in the kitchen or somewhere and pull it out of her. He couldn’t stand it. Not her being in a mood. Something bothering her and him not doing something about it.”
I was falling in love with his parents already.
“And I didn’t have that with Kristy,” Buck continued. “My folks had all the time in the world for their kids. We had family times. Family dinners. They took us on family vacations. They loved us and let that show too. Kristy was about Kristy. I’m not sayin’ she doesn’t love Gear and Tatie. I’m sayin’ they were like accessories. Like a handbag you were happy to show off, but then you’d set it aside when you weren’t usin’ it and get on with other shit that took your attention.”
Buck was now reading me, I knew, when both his hands came up to frame my head.