Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 53693 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 268(@200wpm)___ 215(@250wpm)___ 179(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 53693 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 268(@200wpm)___ 215(@250wpm)___ 179(@300wpm)
No, I won’t allow some child to ruin my happiness. Kat will continue to leave the apartment with her bodyguard, Mario, and I’ll sleep soundly at night knowing she’s safe.
And I have been sleeping particularly soundly since she moved in. I fall into my bed each night, exhausted by our escapades. I’d much rather fall asleep with her next to me, but she isn’t ready for that yet. I told her that one day she’d be begging to sleep in my bed, but it hasn’t happened yet. Until it does, I have to find the strength to leave her after every time we come together.
It’s getting harder, though. My resolve crumbles with each passing day. I think she may actually outlast me, which is frustrating as hell. I want to best her, to show that I have more control over the situation than she does, but neither of us is an idiot. She has to realize she has so much power over me.
I wasn’t prepared for it. I never imagined that anyone could possess me so completely. When I’m not with her, she’s all I can think about. When I am with her, I’m consumed by her presence. When she takes me inside of her, I can’t remember anything about my life before I met her.
She’s captured my heart and my soul. But that also means she has the power to destroy my heart and soul. I know she wouldn’t do it intentionally, but every time she walks out the door, there’s the potential that something could happen to her. That would destroy me more than anything.
I have to find a way to ensure she’ll always be safe. I can’t keep waiting around and holding my breath, wondering when her father will attack me next. If he’s going to try to hurt her.
It’s causing me so much stress. I’ve never felt so out of control as I do when I worry about her. I never realized that loving someone meant living with this constant fear that it could all go away in a blink of an eye.
I didn’t know that love could have the power of completing me and also making me feel like a piece of me was ripped out and living outside of my body. It was a terrifying sensation, and being in love felt reckless, especially considering the kind of work I did.
But I can’t change that right now. I can only use every resource at my disposal. I can only hope and pray that every time I leave her, we’ll both come back safely. I hate feeling so afraid all the time. It’s not who I am. I’d never been afraid of anything in my life before I met her.
Still, I’ll continue showing up for her every day and loving her in whatever capacity she’ll let me. I’ll keep doting on her and offering her the space of her freedom, and hope that one day, she’ll love me even a fraction as much as I love her.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Kat
I’m hovering somewhere between sleep and consciousness, but I don’t want to fall asleep yet. I know Johnny will come to me tonight, the way he has every night. He slips into my room and wakes me up with a sweet kiss, then gives me the most insane pleasure of my life. He never stays, though. Perhaps tonight he finally will.
I hear the doorknob turn and sit up, watching as he enters. Tonight, I want to be in control. I want him to stay with me.
“Good,” he whispers as he climbs onto the bed. “You’re still awake.”
He kisses me hard, and I hold him against me. His hand moves down to my breast, his fingers ghosting over my nipples.
“Were you expecting me?” He smiles.
I won’t admit that I was, even if my body betrays me in every way. My panties are already soaked through. He’ll feel that when he inevitably touches me there.
“No,” I whisper, pulling him on top of me and running my hands over his torso.
He’s shirtless tonight, as ready for this as I am. I didn’t bother with pajamas, instead lying in bed in a bra and panties. Fewer clothes for us to fight with. He looks at me appreciatively, and I feel my skin breaking out into goosebumps under his gaze.
His fingers trail down my stomach until they reach the band of my panties. Rather than dipping inside, he touches me over them, adding a level of pleasure I don’t expect.
“You’re so fucking wet already, Kat,” he whispers huskily. “I think you were expecting me.”
“I was having a really hot dream before you came in,” I lie. “I was on a beach with this male model I saw in a magazine once.”
His fingers plunge into me, making me cry out his name.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, moving his thumb in a slow, torturous circle over my most sensitive spot.