Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 129110 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129110 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
Once again I'm too stunned to answer.
"Don't worry, New York, I'm here for the whole weekend," he smiles as he opens the door.
Ben is right outside, waiting.
"Oh," Asher pops his head back in. "By the way," he pauses. "I wanted to tell you this the last time, but you rushed out of bed so quickly. You look really beautiful when you first wake up."
My heart skips a good two beats.
He disappears.
I smile.
14
My Messed Up World
After Asher’s surprise visit there are four things I know for certain.
One.
He called me beautiful. Something he's never said to me before. Actually, I don't know that any guy has ever said those words to me before.
Cute. Pretty. Adorable. Sure. But never beautiful. And when Asher said it I felt something that transcended the word itself. I had just woken up and was feeling anything but. Hair a mess. Dried drool. No makeup. Raw. Yet in that moment I felt it. In his eyes, I was beautiful.
Two.
Not once during his visit, not a single time over the course of the weekend, did he say the word friend.
Three.
We kissed. We kissed a lot. And we were damn good at it.
Four.
My sheets still smell like him.
As soon as Asher leaves the countdown to his next visit begins.
A month and a half away.
And what a month and a half it turned out to be.
We talked daily. Texted even more.
And video chatted.
I saw his face more often than I saw anyone else, and oh god how everything would melt away the moment he appeared. The way his jaw would tighten into a crooked smile at something I said. The twinkle in his eyes when he'd laugh. Even through the screen I could see it.
We grew close.
Closer than close.
He consumed my entire world.
Of course I knew that meant trouble.
I didn't care.
I kept remembering those three nights in my bedroom, the way we'd kiss and touch. His whispers. The weight of his body on mine. How he'd grab my hand under the table at dinner, or pull me into a corner when no one was looking.
Those memories were strong. They kept me going until the countdown reached zero.
August
Asher texted late last night. The shoot got moved to Hoboken.
I said that's fine.
Actually my exact words were, no drive would stop me from seeing you. I wasn't embarrassed when I said it either.
We're past that. More honest now.
I watch the sunrise as I make my way to the pit of New Jersey, inching along the highway.
It takes me over three hours with traffic. I don't even know if I'll get to see him for that long.
Doesn't matter though. I would have traveled double for less.
Hope is what carries me now.
Crazy, not-good-for-anyone-and-especially-not-good-for-me-hope. Insane, let-myself-believe-in-fantastical-things-hope.
Giddy.
Mouth hurts from smiling.
Happiness.
Heart-bursting hope.
I think maybe he'll stay for the rest of the weekend, especially since tomorrow is my birthday.
He’s expressed multiple times how sad he is over the very short visit.
But there it is again.
Blind-magical-believe-in-miracles-pipe-dream-hope that he'll stay.
Even though he said he can't.
Except I know for a fact my parents invited him, and Asher has been known to team up with them before.
I park in a garage near the address he sent, and just as I'm getting out my phone dings.
My heart flutters, thinking it's him being impatient.
It's Jess.
Jess: I'm home! Just landed!
Shit was today that day?
I'm the worst. Not only did I forget she was coming home, but I didn't reach out the entire time she was away.
I don't respond, watching each new message appear.
Jess: Can't wait to catch up.
Jess: Also, parents aren't home tonight.
Jess: Throwing a party.
Jess: Tell everyone.
Jess: Okay, kidding. Unless you're suddenly some social butterfly I don't know about. Maybe in my absense. No? That's okay. It's what you have me for. Just bring yourself.
Jess: Why have you not answered?
Jess: Oh that's right. I'm still on Sydney time and no one in their right mind would be up now.
Jess: In that case text me when you get up... and if you didn't silence your phone like I tell you to at night, waking you is not my fault.
At least I'm entertained on my walk.
When I arrive at the address - a sketchy, warehouse-type building, I give my name at the door.
Once inside Tiny escorts me to Asher.
Of all the places, sitting in a makeup chair was not where I expected to find him. I rush his way, like I tend to do, overflowing with need and excitement.
He lifts his hand and offers a slight wave.
I stop short realizing he's not getting up to greet me.
Luckily behind his eyes I see exactly what I'm looking for.
It's the only thing that doesn't crush me.
"There’s the soon-to-be birthday girl," he holds back a beam, turning to the makeup artist. "Can you excuse us?"
With a slight nod she heads out the door.
That's when he pulls me in.
My body melts.
I lean in, my mouth ready to be captured by his, but something stops me. It's the look on his face.