Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 74450 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74450 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 372(@200wpm)___ 298(@250wpm)___ 248(@300wpm)
She filled with passion as she expressed herself to Caspian, meaning every word she spoke. “I know who I am, what I want, and what I will and will not tolerate. Risks are how I survive. It’s actually taking a risk to finally say no to someone you used to always say yes to. People never seem to look at it that way, but it’s the truth. You’re risking losing their approval. You’re risking dealing with guilt. You’re risking your emotional attachment to that person, someone who may have taken you for granted or only popped up when they needed something.”
“I agree with you. I like how you put that, too. It made me think of my aunt. She didn’t like takin’ risks. I would tell ’er, Mama, you should go hiking, take some classes at the community college, or travel more. She was always on me about my education. Talkin’ about how important it was, and how she and my mama discussed me going to college. I didn’t understand why she didn’t afford herself the same opportunities. Mrs. Florence made sure I went, even got me situated with some pre-college classes to help get me started. I told my Aunt Angel that she should open a little store since she liked the notion of that, but she never did. She was a custodian in a hotel. She sometimes worked in stores at the registers, too. She could’ve done so much more.
“Aunt Angel had it in her to do it. She was hardworking and smart. Fun to be around more times than not, but it’s like she never trusted herself to make that move. She relied on my Uncle Bobby for far too much, and I wish he would’ve encouraged her to go to college, but he never did. I imagine, and this is just guessing, he was afraid that if she got a better job, she’d be gone more, and maybe wouldn’t need him as much. She changed her mind about going to school and lookin’ into opening a store. Things had gotten complicated.”
“I wish I could’ve met her. I can tell how much you loved her by how you talk about her.” She stroked his face.
“I think she woulda liked you…” He returned the caress. “She got on an airplane for the first time in her life and came to Georgia to visit me. We spent several days together and she had the time of her life. She told me she wanted to enroll in college and get a degree in hospitality. I of course encouraged her, telling ’er she could even take some of her classes at home. I let her know I’d pay for it, and help her. Uncle Bob didn’t seem to like how excited she was, she said. She got back home and started doing what I told her to do to get started. By the time she was willing to go out on a limb, Azure, it was too late. She’d gotten ill. Her first round of chemotherapy came soon thereafter.”
“Time waits for no one. It’s about risks… chances… Folks are scared of the unknown.” Azure stated.
“Even though we’re livin’ in the twenty-first century, there are still many unknowns in the world. Technology hasn’t solved all the problems and in fact, it has sometimes created more. There are things we just don’t have answers to. It’s up to us to find out… to go out on a limb… to…”
“…Speak. My mama was like me, Caspian, but Grandmama doesn’t want people she loves to take what she considers big chances. Calculated risks. She sees that as scary. Too daring. She wants folks to play it safe. In fairness to her, she grew up in a day and time where she couldn’t drink from certain water fountains, or be in certain parts of town at night, if at all. Her existence revolved around fear.” She had no purple crayon to hold onto during her darkest moments. “I’m the type of woman that lives her life her own way, after being badgered for years from so-called miserable friends and loved ones, talkin’ ’bout, ‘Why ain’t you married? Why don’t you have no chirren?’ Because I chose tha fuck not to right now, that’s why.”
She heightened with anger as those old conversations and arguments knocked against the doors of her memory.
“Do you ever think about having a baby? I know you said you were definitely going to get married, but what about children?”
“I know I’d make a good mother one day. When I’m ready. Yeah, my biological clock is ticking, but I won’t rush and create life with the wrong person just for the sake of saying I did it. That ain’t fair to the child. That’s a whole human being. Not some experiment, or act of desperation. At the end of the day, as different and free spirited as I am, I do have some traditional values. Now, don’t get it twisted, I ain’t about to sell myself short or run around here and jump on an offer of marriage just ’cause I’m getting older.”