Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 101261 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101261 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
“It isn’t that we didn’t think you could do it,” I began. “It’s just...this is Olivia. There are emotions involved.”
“Of course, there are,” Neil agreed. “There’s guilt, certainly. Michael is Emma’s father. What place will his memory have in her life if El-Mudad becomes her father, as well?”
“That was my concern,” El-Mudad said. “You must know that I would never try to take the place of Michael.”
“I’d love it if you would,” Neil said. It shocked me so much that I physically jolted. Neil gave me a puzzled look. “I’m serious. We could never erase the memory of him. Michael was a wonderful father to Olivia. But he simply can’t fulfill that role anymore. El-Mudad, you’ve done a wonderful job raising your girls. Why wouldn’t I want the same parenting for Olivia?”
None of us spoke. The question was rhetorical, but silence felt like an answer.
“Only if you’d want to, of course,” Neil added, glancing to El-Mudad. “My feelings aren’t the only ones involved here; you might have your own—”
“It would be an honor,” El-Mudad interrupted him without hesitation. “When the girls and I moved in with you two, the plan was to blend our families. To make something that worked for the three of us, not according to some traditional model. I had already planned on being a father to Olivia. I love every day of it. To have it made legal would put my heart at ease.”
Visibly choked up, Neil nodded. He cleared his throat and said, “Mine, too.”
“And since we can’t get married, why not let this be our legal bond?” I suggested. “It would tie us together forever, right?”
“It would,” Neil agreed. “This is a far bigger step than marriage. No offense, Sophie.”
“None taken.” This involved the lives of more than just two people who could get broken hearts later. “I might not be a mom, but I did have a mom. Kids come first. If they hadn’t, I’d have had a shitty childhood.”
Plus, I was a big fan of kids having dads. From that angle, the idea of El-Mudad adopting Olivia appeased the weird daddy hunger I still felt, the one that couldn’t be worked out with paddles and gags and older gentlemen.
"But what about Olivia?" I asked. "Don't we need to find out what she thinks? And what about Rashida and Amal? Are they going to feel slighted? Jealous? Because we can't be their legal guardians in return."
Neil made a thoughtful noise and crossed his arms, one hand coming up to scrub over his chin. "Olivia is four. How do we approach this with her?"
"And how do we prepare her for this? She still doesn't know that she's not going to be seeing her grandmother regularly now." If I'd ever doubted that El-Mudad would be a good father to Olivia, the pain in his eyes as he spoke those words would have dispelled them. I wasn't a parent; I had no idea how to break the bad news to a child, especially one so young. Olivia could barely understand that she wouldn't get sucked down the potty. Now, we had to find a way to tell her, yeah, sorry about this, but you can't ever see your grandmother again?
"We could lie. Say that she was away on business? That she had to go back to London for a while?" he suggested. "Just until this gets worked out?"
“That does seem to be our best option. She knows about people going away for business reasons.” Neil’s gaze flicked guiltily away.
“This isn’t the same thing as when Emma was little.” I knew how much it hurt him to remember the long weeks he’d spent away from his daughter during her childhood, especially now that she was gone. “Olivia won’t resent Valerie—”
Neil stopped me. “Sophie, I couldn’t possibly care less about how this will affect Olivia’s perception of Valerie. I find I can’t care about Valerie at all.”
El-Mudad made a noise of agreement.
But they didn’t know what I did. And it was time to tell them. “Neil, aside from Emma, you were the most important person to Valerie for years. Think of all the energy she used to put in to keep you from making mistakes. It was wrong of her to do that, but it was always because she cared about you. In a fucked-up way, but she cared. Doesn’t this total change surprise you?”
That gave him pause. Cautiously, he asked, “What are you suggesting?”
I wasn’t sure how to phrase it. I floundered for a way to make it sound less horrible. “I think Laurence might be controlling her.”
There was no reason to mince words.
I started over. “I think Laurence is abusing her.”
El-Mudad’s jaw dropped. Neil looked as though he were going to be sick.
“I-I can’t believe that.” He blinked rapidly. “Valerie isn’t the type of woman who would stand for that.”