Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 126840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
But I’d just talked to him, and outside of him slightly irritating me, I’d had no reaction.
I was seeing now I’d missed him for a while, like a habit I enjoyed but it wasn’t healthy for me. So I quit it, it wasn’t altogether easy, but I was able to get on with my life, and right then, I was realizing I could live without him just fine.
“Hellen?” Mom called.
I focused on her.
She was basting the chicken.
“Sorry, miles away,” I said.
“Are you thinking about your dad?” she asked gently.
“I was thinking about Bryan.”
“Oh, sweetie,” she cooed.
“No, I was thinking about the fact I’m over him.”
She blinked.
The sliding glass door to the backyard opened and Andy and Li trooped in.
“Yo, bitch!” Liane greeted.
I grinned at my sister.
She was wearing a T-shirt that said, F*** the Patriarchy!, cutoff shorts, her skin was tan, her long hair was in a sloppy knot on top of her head, she had not a swipe of makeup on her face, bare feet, and they were filthy, and I could see dirt under her short fingernails.
She’d earned a useless degree in Women’s Studies and Political Science and now worked for a nursery that also did landscaping.
She used to be a lot more sensitive, more like Mom, wanting everyone to be happy and get along. But somewhere in the latter part of her college career (around the time my discussion with Dad meant he vamoosed), she’d started to come away from being a Haley Harmon Mini-Me and came into herself.
Now, she made crap money, lived with her parents, got high a lot, dated men with longer hair than mine, and was living her best life.
“Hey, hon, gonna wash my hands real quick,” Andy greeted, getting into my space, kissing my cheek, then heading to the kitchen sink while saying to Mom, “Damn, baby, that smells amazing.”
Mom had roasted approximately two thousand chickens for Andy in their time together.
But to Andy, every one of them smelled amazing.
Liane horned in beside Andy so they could use the same water, but she looked over her shoulder at me.
“I mean, Dad. Bummer.”
There you had it.
Dad.
Bummer.
I was blaming the sleep deprivation, but part of me wanted to dissolve into tears because they were so normal, this felt so safe, it never changed and it never failed to prop me up, even when I wasn’t feeling down.
But now, I was feeling down.
So now, it felt beautiful to be with these people I loved.
“Good idea, Li-Li,” Andy declared, glanced back at me, then returned his attention to his hands, still talking. “Let’s get this out of the way so we can enjoy the rest of the night without him looming over us. Now, before your mother says her piece, I’m going to preface it by sharing, it’s your choice and we’ll support you no matter what.”
“Andy!” Mom snapped.
“What?” Andy asked, reaching for a dish towel to dry his hands.
“You essentially just told them it’s okay for them to keep shutting their father out of their lives,” Mom explained.
“Well, it is,” Andy said simply.
I wanted to laugh, but laughing might screw with my ability to fully witness this byplay (I loved Mom and Andy’s byplay), so I didn’t.
Mom looked to Li and me in turn, speaking. “Just to say, he’s right. It is. Though I’ll also share that you only have one father.”
“Agreed,” I cut in and pointed at Andy. “He’s standing right there.”
What happened next was unexpected.
Andy went rigid. Mom froze too. Liane’s mouth was hanging open.
They were all staring at me.
“What?” I asked.
“I didn’t—” Andy cleared his throat. “I didn’t know you felt that way, honey.”
“I…” Oh shit. “I mean, is that okay?”
All of a sudden, Mom burst out crying.
What on earth?
Liane went to her, a massive grin on her face.
Andy came to me and pulled me into a big hug.
“It is absolutely, one thousand percent okay,” he said into my ear.
His voice was kind of croaky.
I held on to him and replied, “I thought you knew I felt that way.”
He didn’t let me go even as he pulled slightly away to look at me. “I did know. We’ll just say it’s nice to hear the words.”
“God, I’m sorry I didn’t say them before,” I mumbled to his throat.
“Hellen, look at me.”
I looked at him.
“Promise. That’s one thing you can say that’s never too early, and it’s never too late.”
I smiled at him.
He dipped in and whispered in my ear, “And in case you didn’t get this, I fully support you telling your father to fuck off again.”
“Andy!” Mom cried. “I heard that.”
Andy moved to my side, his arm over my shoulders, so I kept mine along his waist.
We’d stood this way before. He’d stood this way with Liane. And Archie. And, obviously, Mom.
It was what you did with your dad.
I took note of it then because I’d just realized he was my dad.