Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 114192 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 571(@200wpm)___ 457(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114192 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 571(@200wpm)___ 457(@250wpm)___ 381(@300wpm)
Autumn sighs and I bring my gaze to her, only to find her lips in a pout. “I’m sorry.” Her attempt to console me isn’t needed. I’m aware of how awful that truth is.
“Don’t be. I don’t think he would have proposed if it wasn’t for Brody coming around.” The truth is a hard pill to swallow, but it doesn’t mean I can change it.
“Men are weird about marking their territory,” Sharon comments and I think she means it to be funny. I have to admit it elicits a small laugh from me.
“That’s one way to put it,” I say.
Renee huffs a sarcastic laugh. “He could have started with asking you to be his girlfriend—”
“Does anyone do that anymore nowadays?” Sharon questions, interrupting Renee. “It seems more like … the olden days.”
“The olden days?” Autumn’s expression is one of horror.
Completely ignoring her, Sharon continues to lighten the mood. “Who’s better in bed?” She points at me with the hand that’s also holding her glass of wine. Or rather the glass that used to hold wine since it’s empty now. With a straight face and a narrowed gaze she adds, “That one wins.”
I can’t help the smile that stretches across my heated face and I cover it with both hands, leaning into the outdoor throw pillow as I do. I clutch it to my chest when I slowly sit back upright.
My girlfriends are crazy and put me on the spot sometimes, but they have good hearts and even better senses of humor.
A few moments pass of easier conversation and the town’s latest rumor regarding Autumn’s sister Bri and Asher … which is surprising to me, but the second it all settles down, Renee brings the issue back up.
“Do you have a plan?” Renee questions, bringing back an air of seriousness although I know she’s only asking because she’s my friend.
“I don’t have a plan, which is why it feels so …”
“Chaotic?”
“Yeah.” I’m quick to agree with Sharon. It really does feel like chaos, and I’m not sure how it’s going to end without me being wrecked beyond repair.
“Love is chaotic.” She sways in her seat, a simper across her face at the statement that drives me crazy, yet spoken as if it’s romantic.
Chaos isn’t a good thing. Chaos is booming thunderstorms and damaging winds. It’s messy to the point of brokenness. Yes, that’s what love is at first. And it’s terrifying.
“Well maybe you don’t need a plan,” Sharon suggests.
Autumn agrees. “Yeah. Just see what happens.”
“What do you think, Renee?” Sharon asks and I look to my lifelong friend who knows more of the sordid details than anyone else.
“I think … let’s see what happens. Just do what feels right, because you are the one that has to live with it. Not either of those men. Not even little Bridget, and I know you don’t like me bringing her up when it comes to things … that you might regret. But seriously. You need to look out for you because you’re the one who’s going to be in your head every night before bed wondering and worrying.”
“Yeah.” I whisper my response, lacking the confidence I know I should have at that suggestion.
Renee’s expression is riddled with concern, but she softens it to add, “Does that make sense? I’m a little drunk.”
“I’ve always tried to do what felt right. I can keep that up.”
“There is no right or wrong when it comes to love.” Sharon adds another romanticized line I’m not certain I agree with, even if she’s staring off into the distance like the line is swoonworthy.
“Back to your sister,” I say, turning the attention to Autumn and then nestle back down in my seat, letting Renee’s advice really sink in. “Asher is never going to settle down, so I don’t know why she’s barking up that tree.”
“Probably because it’s a long, hard tree,” Sharon says, emphasizing long and hard and instantly the tense situation evaporates.
It’s then that Robert messages me.
Can I swing by? I want to tell you something.
My response is instant: I’m at Autumn’s. The second I send it, though, I think about Brody and guilt worms its way in. They both know about each other. I don’t know what to tell them, but I don’t have the answers and it’s too much pressure to feel like I should. Love is complicated and a tangled freaking mess.
The girls laugh as Sharon tells a story, and I pull my legs into my chest, letting out a laugh of my own although I’m not listening and I have no idea what she’s saying.
Robert doesn’t respond right away although he’s seen the message, and all I can think is that I love him—for years I have loved him. If Brody wasn’t in the picture, I absolutely would have said yes. I would have married him, and that weighs heavily on my mind.