Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 93482 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 312(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93482 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 312(@300wpm)
“Yes, I’m sure. You’re a priest. There can be no future there for us. At least, not one I want.”
I nodded for a second, taking in her words. “And what is it you want, little angel?”
She pressed her lips together for a moment, as if she was trying to figure out how to put her feelings into words. For this, I’d give her time. She needed me to be patient right now, and that was exactly what I was going to give her. Patience and grace.
“It’s more about what I don’t want,” she finally said, and I tilted her chin back up so she met my eyes. “I don’t want to be your dirty little secret, or your shame. I don’t want to hide my relationship, and I want to know what it’s like to actually have a real boyfriend. Someone I can do normal couple-things with, and not have to hide it.”
“Anything we would have to hide because—”
“Because you are a priest,” she said, exasperated. Hitting the ground next to her.
“Is that so?” I asked as I took off my cashmere coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. She looked me up and down, and my God, I loved the way her eyes got that hungry look in them when she looked at me.
“So?” she said. “Just because priests can occasionally wear normal clothes doesn’t mean—”
“Oh, ye of little faith,” I said, bending down to look her in the eye. “I left the priesthood,” I said, moving my hand from her chin to her nape to keep her staring at me.
“Excommunication isn’t the same thing as leaving.”
“Careful, angel, I came here to have a conversation with you. That doesn’t mean I won’t take you over my knee and spank that perfect ass of yours.” I moved to sit down next to her and pull her into my lap. She tried to fight me for a second, but then melted into my embrace.
“It’s still not the same,” she said, her voice almost a whisper.
“You’re right, it’s not. But I was not excommunicated.”
“But Amelia said you went back to Rome.” She rested her head on my shoulder, and I took a second to feel so relieved to have her back in my arms.
“I did,” I said. “The charges against me were all dropped, and I was welcomed back in Rome with open arms. It was always my plan to go back after I got my revenge. I considered staying in New York, for you mostly, but when you didn’t respond to my messages and I found out you left again, I was going to leave you alone. I was going to return to my life in Rome, back to my very sinful lifestyle. But it wasn’t the same.”
“Not the same how?” I thought for a moment I heard a bit of want in her voice, but I couldn’t be sure.
“You, little angel,” I said with a grin. “You had managed to get under my skin. Suddenly I wasn’t satisfied with that life. I wanted something more, something beyond my own selfish pleasures. I want you.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t know me, not really. You want this idea of me that you have in your head. That good girl who let you fuck her in the confessional and… who obeyed without question and—”
“No, angel, I want you. I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel love the way other people do. The one thing that I am certain of, though, is if such a thing were possible, the only person on the Earth that could ever make me feel love, the only person who could ever pull off that miracle, is you.”
She said nothing but looked away. When I turned her head toward me, I could see the tears gathering in her eyes.
“All I’m asking for is a chance. You say I don’t know you. Prove it. Let me get to know you. Get to know me, the real me, not the collar and the taboo. Give me a chance.”
“You can’t have me,” she said, pushing herself away from my chest, still on my lap but facing me. I already missed the warmth of her body. “Although it’s nice that we wouldn’t be committing a cardinal sin, it still changes nothing. You can’t have me.”
“Why not?” I asked, putting my hands flat on the blanket behind me and leaning back, trying to give her some space, trying to make her feel like I wasn’t hovering over her.
“Because we don’t know each other. Not really. We’ve never even had a normal date. I don’t think you’re capable of just being a normal boyfriend, and that’s what I need right now. I need normal. Most girls get the space to figure out who they are when they’re teenagers, but I never did. I never figured out what I wanted, and I need the space to do that.”