Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 93482 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 312(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93482 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 312(@300wpm)
My heart hurt, my body ached, and the worst part was I knew it was just my guilt and not the loss of a first love.
Father Manwarring was right.
I was a sinner; I needed to repent. My soul had been tarnished, and there was no repairing it. I used Raul, and now that he was dead, I didn’t even grieve the way a woman who lost her first love should be grieving. I was saddened by his death, but not heartbroken. Mostly I was just filled with so much self-loathing, I didn’t know what to do. Raul was dead, and I was still sore from the way another man had claimed me.
There was no way I could face Father Manwarring. Not today. Not with everything… He could see through my grief to the guilt, and I just couldn’t bear it.
I called the church, spoke to the receptionist that helped run the day to day, and told her to please inform Father Manwarring that I had just learned of the death of a very close friend. Unfortunately, I could not make it in that day.
The receptionist offered her condolences for my loss and said that she would pass on the message.
I tossed my phone aside, sat on my bed, and just gave in to tears.
No one came to check on me. I knew they wouldn’t. Mother’s butler would come in at some point, with some excuse, making sure that I was behaving as a young lady should, but he hadn’t bothered yet.
What felt like hours later, when my throat was dry and scratchy and my eyes were red and burning, there was a knock at the door. It had to be a maid. I knew even they were under orders to report everything to my mother. I couldn’t explain to her why I was so upset, so I dried my eyes as best as I could, sat up straight, and tried to make myself presentable.
“Yes?” I called out, trying to think of some excuse to tell the maid if they asked why I was crying. Something that maybe she would roll her eyes at and not bother telling my mother.
The door opened, and Father Manwarring walked in.
I hated that even in my self-loathing and grief, my heart still sped up at the sight of him. It shouldn’t have. I should have been angry. I should have been blaming him for the way I felt, the way he touched me and made me disloyal to a man who deserved so much better.
“I called the church,” I said, ignoring the way my body ached for him. “The receptionist said that she’d give you the message?”
“And what message was that?”
“That I wasn’t coming in today, I had lost someone very important and—”
“She delivered the message,” he interrupted, moving to stand directly in front of me. My eyes went straight to the crotch of his pants, and the memories of what we had done flashed through my head. I wanted to feel disgusted by it, but I just couldn’t.
“Then why are you here?” I asked, ripping my eyes from his body up to his beautiful face. It was so classically handsome, with its strong jawline and Roman nose, that it made me think of statues carved in marble that could have only been created by the hands of true masters. He was the statue David come to life, but his sun-kissed skin and beautiful eyes stole my breath away.
Didn’t the Bible say the devil was handsome?
“I am here to do my duty as your priest. I am here to guide you through your grief at such a delicate time. There is more to being a priest than celebrating mass… and taking confession,” he said, the double meaning in his words clear. A flush of heat crawled up my neck to my cheeks, and I knew he saw it. The pleasure in his eyes at my discomfort was palpable.
“Please, not today. Raul is dead. Let me grieve in peace.” I buried my head in my hands and gave in to a fresh wave of tears.
“What kind of priest would I be if I let one of my flock suffer so needlessly? I can help you. I can show you where your energy is better spent.”
“Please, no,” I said, thinking he was going to unzip his fly again and make me suck his cock. I knew if he did, if he even touched me, I wouldn’t be able to resist. The hold he had on me was too strong, and there was something darkly appealing about shutting everything else out and giving in. Letting Father Manwarring use my body to shut off my mind. He could make me forget, even if it was only for a moment. I knew that if I gave in, it would only make me feel worse afterward. “Let me grieve.”