Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 148434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
“Cross my heart,” I smile, but my lips fall quickly. I place my binder on the cushion beside me. “But regardless, you can still survive on your own without Farrow. Correct?”
He cracks a knuckle, lost in thought. “Maybe, but it’d be…” Grief clouds his eyes. “I don’t know. It feels like death.”
“God,” I murmur. “I don’t want to feel like I’m dying if my boyfriend isn’t with me.” Sudden panic scorches me, and I waft my sequined pink sweater. “I think I lied to him last night.”
“Wait, what?”
“I told Thatcher that I’d rather survive with him than without him, and sitting here, talking to you, I know that I’d rather be able to survive on my own more than anything else.” Yet, my throat closes like that’s not entirely truthful either, and my cheeks crinkle in a wince. “I’m not being logical, am I?”
He hugs my shoulders with a tough arm. “I don’t know if there’s a lot of logic in love.”
That frightens me.
I lean into my best friend and stare off at the wall.
He can tell I’m strangely quiet. “Maybe you should talk out your feelings with Thatcher and see what he says.”
“I’ve tried, and I set myself up for failure every time.” Being around him tends to tongue-tie me, and whenever I delve into emotions and fears, I feel like a panicked, spinning and wobbling coin. And I’m always scared I’ll land on the wrong side.
“He said he’d go at whatever pace you set,” Moffy reminds me. “He’s here for the long haul, so if it takes you a millennium to blurt out what you need to, he might still be around.”
“I know.” Thatcher is too good for me and my insecurities. I’m not so sure I deserve to have a man who’s sacrificed everything for me and who also has to wait forever for me. Sadly, I mutter, “He deserves better.”
“No,” Maximoff snaps. He touches my forehead like I’m running a fever.
“Moffy.” I start to smile.
He drops his hand. “Tu es la meilleure. Il a même de la chance de respirer le même air que tu respires.” You’re the best. He’s lucky to even breathe the same air you breathe.
“It’s hard to feel that way when he just had to announce how many times he thinks about fucking me in a single day.” Charlie made us flip a card an hour ago, and it’s not like either of us has kept a count of our impure thoughts. So we did our best to estimate an average.
“Last I checked, we’re not normal, everyday people,” Moffy tells me. “Unless we’ve left this universe and entered one where our faces aren’t plastered on every amazing tabloid that I just love reading front to damn back.”
I tip my head. “We are excruciatingly abnormal.”
“And your boyfriend has to do abnormal things to be with you,” Maximoff says. “And I saw you smiling when he answered 102 times a day.”
I did.
And Thatcher looked enamored by me when I answered, 81 times.
I breathe in more, and I rest my hands on his shoulder, my chin on my knuckles. Feeling better. “Did you ever imagine our first time in Scotland would be with your fiancé and my boyfriend and we’d be preparing for your wedding?” It bursts love into my heart just thinking this.
Maximoff tries to restrain an uncontrollable smile. “No.” He licks his lips. “Because I never thought I’d get married. If anything, I thought it’d be your wedding, and I’d be over here a forever bachelor.”
“I like this better—and I’m not hijacking your wedding,” I note. “Don’t fret.”
Media and tabloids keep speculating that Thatcher and I will marry first. Based off a complicated history where my mom and dad sort of commandeered Aunt Lily and Uncle Lo’s wedding.
Their past choices keep affecting us in strange ways.
“I’m not worried about that,” Moffy says with a weird look.
“What is it?”
“You know if you want to marry Thatcher before I walk down the aisle, I get it. It’s not like I’m planning on marrying Farrow tomorrow. It’ll be a couple years.”
My eyes bug. “I just started calling him a boyfriend, and he just moved in. I’m not ready, and I doubt he’d want to put a ring on a girl who can barely utter I love you.”
“Okay, okay,” Maximoff nods. “I just don’t want to be the reason you’re holding back.”
I give him a weird look now. “Would you really want Thatcher to be the man I’m with forever?” Thatcher has been Farrow’s least favorite person, and Maximoff hasn’t been too fond of him in the past either.
“Weirdly, yeah. He’s good to you, and he makes you happy.” He nods. “But if he hurts you, I’ll slit his throat with a hacksaw—a rusted hacksaw.”
I laugh at his amendment.
Maximoff smiles. “This is surreal—you and me in serious relationships and traveling with our men.” He shakes his head in disbelief, and I feel that same overwhelming feeling breach the surface inside me. “I’m glad you’re here, Janie.” His chest rises. “I couldn’t do this without you.”