Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 148434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
He repeats the routine three more times, and when he finishes washing soap suds, he curses under his breath and starts all over again. His skin is starting to grow red and inflamed.
“Is there something I can do?” I ask.
He shakes his head, then after another five minutes, he dries his hands on a monogramed towel. “When you mention this to Jane, can you add that this isn’t serious?” He comes over and extends his wrist.
Carefully, I snap on the cuff. “Why don’t you just tell her yourself?”
“Honestly…it’s hard for me to talk to her right now.” He’s still upset that she dragged him here.
“I’ll mention it,” I promise.
“Thanks.” He stares nervously at the door, like the latch is haunted. I notice how he twiddles his fingers, and I step past him, our wrists connected, and I open the door for Beckett.
He exhales in relief but avoids my eyes.
We exit, and I peer into the main lounge. Almost everyone has already boarded. Total headcount for the trip: a staggering 17 people.
Leave it to Maximoff Hale to transform the work of scouting a wedding location into a vacation for other people. He invited his family, security, and any plus-ones who wanted to journey to the Scottish Highlands for a week.
We’ll be back by December 20th, just in time for the holidays. My grandma has been begging me to bring Jane home for Christmas Eve. Every phone call is the same, but the most recent one was on speakerphone in Jane’s bedroom.
I was packing my duffel and her suitcase for Scotland.
“Youse twos are still coming for dinner on Christmas Eve?” my grandma asked.
On the bed, Jane smiled at the phone in my hand while she brushed Licorice. The gray cat had just come out of hiding.
“We’re still planning on it,” I confirmed.
“The whole family will be there,” my grandma said excitedly. Proud of the family, and Jane beamed up at me, understanding that feeling of pride in a lineage. “And I want to give Jane her baby blanket I’m crocheting. I should be finished by then.”
I didn’t flinch.
Jane went wide-eyed. “Oh, I’m…I’m not pregnant.”
“It’s not for now,” my grandma said. “I already made Thatcher one, but now youse can have two for the day you marry and have babies. I might not be around.”
“Grandma,” I said. “Don’t talk like that.”
“Hush now, I’m old. When I go, I’ll go, and you’ll have these things to remember me by.” She’s been preparing the family for her death since she was in her early sixties. Saying, I’m old. I’m gonna die soon.
She’s still healthy.
After we said our goodbyes and I hung up, Jane looked more curiously at me. “Has she crocheted your past girlfriends baby blankets?”
“Hell no.”
“Oh.”
I didn’t expect that reaction.
My pulse ratcheted up. “She likes you.” She can tell I love you.
“I like her a great deal too,” Jane whispered, but her brows bunched in concern. “What if…” Flush stained her freckled cheeks. “What if you dislike me in six or seven months and we break-up? Or possibly we might just mutually feel we’re not a perfect fit? These are rational probabilities.” She spoke in a single breath.
I realized then that Jane believes there’s a greater chance of us being a short-term couple than a permanent one.
“How is it rational that I’ll dislike you in six months when I love you now?” I asked point-blank.
She smiled, then frowned, then winced. “Anything could happen…I suppose.”
I nodded stiffly.
I can’t see the future any better than she can. Mathematically maybe that shit adds up in that direction, but we’re dealing with emotion.
Unwieldy, un-fucking-quantifiable, frightening emotion—and I just want to be her safety net. I want her to feel like she can fall into these feelings, and I’ll catch her.
“Look, there’s no pressure,” I said strongly. “The blanket is just a gift, not a binding agreement.”
“It’s not to say that I wouldn’t…I mean, I…” She buried her face in her palms, and I sat on the bed beside her and drew her to my chest. I hugged Jane, and she mumbled against my body, “This is all so…”
“Soon,” I finished.
She looked up at me. “I was going to say new.”
“Right.” My muscles tensed. Unsure of where her fears exactly stemmed.
She felt me flex, and she swallowed hard. And then Carpenter stole our attention as he knocked perfume off her vanity. We dropped the topic after that.
I hadn’t thought much about Jane being pregnant. I hadn’t thought a lot about marriage or our children—and I shouldn’t be remembering any of this now.
We need to crawl through the first round of barbed wire before we can contemplate what lies ahead of us.
The cards, this twin switch, and Tony. If we can haul through this together, then maybe that door will open.
On the plane, Beckett stalls near the bathroom door. Not ready to return to his seat yet, and while I wait for him to move, my radio crackles with static.