Total pages in book: 150
Estimated words: 148434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
I plant 120% of my concentration on him.
“You have to say that. You’re my…you’re my bodyguard.” He runs a hand through his hair.
I go still.
He can barely meet my eyes. What I feel for Xander…it’s as deep as blood, but I’m not his brother. I’m not permanent to his life in that sense, and I’ve tried…
I’ve tried fucking hard to make sure he understands this.
I’m replaceable.
Banks is replaceable. We should just be nameless bodyguards on a team to Xander, and one day another bodyguard will stand here and take our post. He shouldn’t bat an eye or even notice a real difference. His life should continue at the same rate without misstep or back shuffle.
Being on his detail again—I’m blowing a fuse that I already struggled to tear out of a bomb. Confusing him and me.
Swiftly, I act on instinct and scrounge up professional facts. “It shouldn’t even matter what Donnelly or I think. We aren’t here to be entertained by you. We’re here to protect you.”
Xander opens his arms wide. “Exactly. 99% of the time, you’re protecting me inside my own damn room. And we both know that the threats are mostly just me.”
I unscrew my water, muscles stiff as we ride down this road.
I’ve seen Xander at some of the lowest points. I’ve tried to pull him up. I remember him at eleven. How he couldn’t get out of bed one morning. He was crying, sobbing, and could barely breathe as he said, “I don’t want to be here.”
I had to call his parents. I stayed with him. I held his hand.
It’s true that most clients don’t ask for their bodyguards to be in their room with them all day.
Every day.
But Xander Hale has different demons that he needs us to fight off. It’s why I’m here. What I’m made to do.
When he stays inside the Hale mansion, his security detail is often posted in his room with him. Mostly for his peace of mind…and so that he’s not alone.
The times when he’s not doing well, we’ll split shifts so he has a bodyguard around-the-clock, even when he sleeps. It’s one reason why he’s usually assigned two men and not just one.
Right now I don’t want Donnelly to interrupt this conversation, so I whisper quickly into my mic, “Thatcher to Donnelly, standby for five before coming upstairs.”
The line crackles. “Copy that, Thatch.”
Thatch.
Heaviness pounds my chest, but I force myself not to correct Donnelly this time. I’m more concerned about the kid in front of me.
Xander continues, not noticing that I radioed anyone. “I don’t know; maybe if I went out more, it’d be more interesting for Donnelly.” He hangs his head, then swallows the last of his soda.
“Are you trying to impress him?” I take a swig of water.
“No.” He wipes his mouth with the heel of his palm. “I just don’t want anyone else to leave.”
I breathe out through my nose. That hits me hard since Banks and I were the first to really leave him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Fucking A, Thatcher.
The words leave before I can stop them, and I fucking hate that I just made a promise we both know I can’t keep.
I’m going to go where Jane goes. I want to. I need to.
I have to. Everything in my soul wrenches me in that direction. Hell, it’s been wrenching me for a while. Before I was even her bodyguard.
Xander huffs. “You can’t say that. If they let you back on Jane’s detail, you’ll take it. And I get it. You should.” He inhales a sharper breath. “I just…you know I thought if you were going to be a part of the family, you’d be a Hale.” He shrugs. “Marry Luna or something.”
I tense.
I’m fighting through a steel castle just to be welcomed into the Cobalt Empire, but the closer I am to them, the further I am from the Hales. Every time the three families have trivia nights, sandcastle competitions, relay races—I want to be on my girlfriend’s side. And it’ll be a feat to make it happen.
Team Cobalt.
Team Jane.
But I can’t stand hurting Xander.
I slowly screw the cap onto my water. “I wish you were my little brother, but you’re someone else’s.” It kills me to say that out loud. “Maximoff and even Farrow will be there for you for the rest of your life when I can’t be.”
He has to let me go.
I have to let him go. I shouldn’t be on his detail. It’s not good for either of us.
His eyes redden. “Yeah.” His Adam’s apple bobs. “I just wish I could have all of you. Moffy, Farrow, you, and Banks. I know it’s selfish.”
I rub my mouth, bruise and cut visible from O’Malley’s punch, and then I drop my arm. “I didn’t plan on loving Jane.”
I couldn’t stop it from happening. And now I’m doing everything I can to keep her in my arms.