Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77490 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 310(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77490 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 387(@200wpm)___ 310(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
When we reach a point in the service when everyone is standing up, eyes closed, I of course keep mine only mostly closed so I can keep watching Gray. Sure enough, he leaves his pew, and this time he looks right at me as he saunters past.
I move toward the aisle as if pulled by magnetic forces. Despite my complete inability to resist following him, I move slowly, so it’s not too obvious. I hope. With luck, my friends will think I’ve slipped out to use the bathroom.
When I go through the doors into the foyer, he’s waiting for me and immediately takes my hand and leads me through the hallways, away from the sanctuary, away from the voices that come from the rooms where the little ones are being taught their Sunday School lessons.
Eventually, he finds a storage room with its lights off, dark and cool. I expect him to kiss me then, but he doesn’t. Instead, he turns me so we’re standing with my back to his front, like we were that night at the rooftop club.
And then he whispers in my ear, “Confess.”
Oh, wicked, wicked man. I go down on my knees. “I have sinned,” I whisper.
“Tell me your sins.” His voice is deep, a velvet sandpaper stroke across my senses.
The carpet is rough under me, and my heart threatens to thump out of my chest. I wonder if anyone saw us leave, if they’ll find us here.
“I have lusted after a man.” My voice is as soft as a feather. “Not just one man. Three.”
“Three men?” There’s an undertone that makes me quiver down to my core. “Have you lusted in word, thought, or deed?”
“All three.”
“Tell me.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’ve desired them. Let them kiss me, touch me. I’ve touched them, too. And used profane language.”
A rustle of clothing, and then he’s kneeling behind me, his massive body pressed against mine. “Where did they touch you?”
“In my … my private place.”
“Say it,” he commands, and a shiver runs through me.
“They touched my pussy.”
His hand snakes under the skirt of my dress and cups me. “Here?”
“Yes.” My head falls back against his broad shoulder.
“Where else?”
I reach down, take his other hand, and bring it to my breast. “Here.”
“So sinful.” The words are a caress.
One big hand squeezes, while the other brushes against my most sensitive flesh. I let out a tiny gasp and bite my lip. It must be especially wicked to make such sounds in a church.
“You must pay for your sins.” His voice has grown impossibly deeper.
I tremble, a tiny frisson of fear mixed with far stronger, baser emotions. “What must I do?”
His mouth comes to my ear. “Your penance is to fuck them. All of them. Over and over and over again.”
This time the moan escapes, and that’s when I hear the doorknob turning.
In a flash, Gray removes his hands from me and somehow teleports several feet away. I know he doesn’t care what anyone here thinks of him—he’s protecting me.
I jump to my feet and turn to face him just as the door opens. The fluorescent tubes in the ceiling flicker to life, bathing the room in their sickly yellow glow, and Aaron is standing there, his hand on the light switch.
Is it better, or worse, that it’s my brother and not my parents, or one of the pastors? I’m not sure. I try to keep my face impassive as he looks back and forth between me and Gray.
When he finally speaks, it’s to Gray. “Have you been corrupting my sister?”
Gray’s voice is calm. “Ava is an adult. She makes her own choices.”
Aaron’s voice sharpens. “So you have been.”
“It’s none of your business what we have or haven’t been doing.”
There’s a long silence, and then Aaron pushes the door all the way open, turns, and walks away.
By this time, my friends will be wondering where I am. My purse is still in the sanctuary; even if I wanted to leave now, I’d have to go back to get it. “I’ll talk to you tonight,” I tell Gray quietly.
He nods and gives my arm a brief, reassuring squeeze, but doesn’t speak. I’m shaky as I make my way back to the sanctuary and slip inside for the rest of the service, though my mind is far away from what’s happening there.
Your penance is to fuck them. All of them. Over and over and over again.
I get so turned on, with those words on a loop in my mind; but the other loop is Aaron, standing in the doorway of that storage room, looking at me like I’m a stranger. Or worse.
Doom and desire. My mind ricochets back and forth between them until church is over, but I’m still not free. There’s a family dinner to get through.
Aaron and Jessica are there, of course, so I spend the entire meal wondering if my brother is going to tell on me. John, the man who was at the last dinner, is a guest again. This time, he asks me questions: about my work, my education, my hobbies.