Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 100608 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100608 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
“The thing is,” I start, hating the choked-up feeling in my throat. “I wanted to come out. I knew Dad wouldn’t take it well, but the more I was with Kian, I started to not care what he thought. One day…” Tears burn at my eyes as I remember that night at dinner. “One day, I realized I might lose my entire family over something I wasn’t sure would end with Kian. Like, before him, I recognized good-looking men and women, but I didn’t lean toward guys. If he and I were to break up, I wasn’t sure I’d suddenly be into guys in the way I was with him.”
Dante remains quiet, but his hold around my back tightens, drawing me even closer. The sweet, comforting gesture calms me briefly before I’m thrust back to dinner all those years ago.
“An innocent conversation started when my brother Maxton mentioned his girlfriend’s brother, Zion, had just come out gay…” I still remember the amused smile on my younger brother’s face. As though he thought it was funny and not a big deal. “Dad slammed a fist down on the table, rattling everyone’s glasses and making Zak, who was in first grade, cry.”
Dante tenses and I squeeze my eyes shut, hating how I can still feel the tension from that night like it’s happening right now.
“He, uh, he told Maxton, who was sixteen at the time, he was to break up with Kimmy because their family was a bad influence.” I swallow down the dreadful feeling. “Mom started to tell Dad he was overreacting, but he hit the table again. He was furious. Disgusted. All I could think about was how I’d just been making out with Kian in my car outside his house before I came home for dinner. And if he felt this way about Kimmy’s brother, then what would he think about me and Kian?”
“Did Maxton break up with Kimmy?”
A chuckle escapes me. “No. He dated her in secret after that, eloped when he turned eighteen, and moved to Portland with her. They have the cutest twins now. Zion was the best man in their wedding. Mom and Dad didn’t go.”
“Fuck,” he grumbles. “What an asshole.”
I sigh because it’s not untrue. “He then went on that night to tell us if any of us pulled that ‘faggot shit’ on him, he’d disown us so fast our heads would spin.”
“You were just a kid. Jesus.”
“The threat of never seeing Zak, who was like seven at the time, or Hayden who was in middle school, made me want to throw up. Until that moment, I adored my father and aspired to be just like him. He mindfucked me that night and I’ve not been right ever since.”
“Maxton got the right idea,” Dante says. “Left that fucker high and dry the first chance he got.”
“Hayden bolted not long after. They now own an architectural firm together in Portland. It’s rare they ever make the three-hour drive to Brigs Ferry Bay. If it weren’t for Facebook, I’d probably never see my brothers.”
“I can understand why you were afraid of upsetting your father back then, but what about now?”
Maxton asks me all the time why I still put up with Dad’s controlling bullshit and he has no fucking idea I’m gay. He just knows I’ve done nothing but obey Dad’s commands and followed him right into the same career.
“I’m stuck,” I murmur, hating how weak I sound. “It’s too late. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it.”
Silence fills the air, but it’s not uncomfortable. Contemplative, but not strange.
“I can’t say I understand,” Dante says, pity in his tone, “because my parents were cool as hell about it when I came out, but I can see how traumatizing that would have been for a teenage boy.” His fingers stroke up my spine, sending currents of desire shooting straight to my dick. “If Callan didn’t have support about his sexuality, it would break him. He’s too fragile and emotionally unstable as it is. That would have been crushing for him. I can imagine it was for you too.”
“I went into denial. At first, it was about what Dad had said. As long as I kept Kian a secret, I could have my happiness and my family. I wouldn’t have to choose.” Tears well in my eyes and I quickly blink them back. “It was great until graduation. I knew Kian and I were coming to a head. He didn’t know about what my dad said. I was too ashamed to tell him. Each time we were together, he pressed and pressed about proclaiming to the world we were a couple.”
A tear leaks out and I’m overwrought with a mixture of shame and sadness.
“I wanted my secret relationship with him to continue forever, but he drew a line in the sand, forcing me to make a choice I wasn’t ready to make.” Another tear leaks out. “Maybe, with time, I would’ve been able to make a decision like Maxton had. Or if I’d explained my hesitations better to Kian, maybe he would’ve given me more time to figure out a way to tell my parents.” I shrug, swallowing down my emotion. “But it was over so quickly. I didn’t have a chance to prepare. As soon as Kian was gone, I didn’t feel anything for anyone for a very long time.”