Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 65429 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 327(@200wpm)___ 262(@250wpm)___ 218(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65429 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 327(@200wpm)___ 262(@250wpm)___ 218(@300wpm)
I protectively wrapped my arms around my stomach in a comforting gesture, desperately trying to hold in the memories that threatened to spill. Thinking about the past and the future, I closed my eyes, and although we weren’t touching, I felt him all over.
There was no hiding…
From him.
From me.
From us.
It physically pained me to stand there with him, telling him everything I didn’t want him to know until I finally spun to face him. His expression mirrored mine, almost rendering me speechless.
“I do love Beau, Ethan. But for a long time, he was right. I did put you before him, before everything. Though somewhere along the way… I did fall in love with him.”
He winced, and I hated that I was hurting him.
“I have no right to get jealous of you with any woman. You’re not mine. You never were. I’m getting married, for God’s sake. I have no business involving myself in yours. You’re free to be with anyone you want, and it’s shameful that I’m getting riled up over my best friend possibly finding a love of his own. It’s selfish and unfair to you, and I’m ashamed for even feeling this way and for making you feel bad about being with someone you’ve obviously hooked up with for who knows how long.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Livvy. I’ll always be yours, and you’ll always be mine.”
“I’m getting married in three days, Ethan. I’m going to be someone’s life, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. I’m going to be the mother of his children—he’s going to be the father of mine. You can’t say stuff like that to me anymore. It’s not right.”
“Everything about us is right.”
“Enough!” I shouted a little too loudly, but the loud orchestra muffled my tone.
I didn’t want to make a scene or draw any unnecessary attention to us. Especially with my fiancé. Beau didn’t deserve any of this, and I had to put a stop to it. I should have done it a long time ago, but this was the first time in years that I’d seen Ethan with another woman.
It hurt me in ways I hadn’t expected and only made me feel that much worse. I wasn’t this girl. I was committed to Beau, and I had to prove that to myself.
I was his.
Only his.
In order to officially put our past behind me, our summer and everything between, I did what I had to do. Fisting my hands, I fought with the words that already tasted like battery acid on my tongue and I hadn’t even said them yet. Merely thinking about them crippled my apprehension not to want to say them at all.
You have to do this, Livvy. You owe it to your husband-to-be.
In a determined tone, I declared, “You’ll forever be my best friend, but I can’t keep putting you up on a pedestal before him anymore.”
“Livvy—”
“I know I promised you that I’d never forget that I was yours first.”
His eyes widened with so much emotion it almost knocked me on my ass.
“I’m so sorry, Ethan.”
I had to be strong. In spite of regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth, I clearly stated, “I should have never made that promise to you.”
“Is that why you stopped wearing my necklace?”
I couldn’t lie to him.
I never could.
I hated this.
In one word, I killed us both…
“Yes.”
Chapter
Twenty-Six
Livvy
Ethan disappeared after I left him on the balcony by himself. I didn’t see him for the rest of the night, and to make matters worse, I didn’t see Varissa either. I tried to distract myself with the party, but it was useless. He was front and center on my mind regardless of how many guests I spoke to.
It didn’t help that Beau noticed Varissa and Ethan were gone as well, pointing out that they were probably together. By the time I made it back to my suite, it was past three in the morning. Since the walls were made of concrete, I couldn’t hear a damn thing coming out of his room.
With my hand in the air, I battled with the desire to knock on his door. Ultimately, I walked into my room without finding out the truth of what they might have been doing. I tried to pretend it didn’t matter, like I didn’t care, but that was impossible. The fact that I had to lay there all night with images of them fucking right in the next room was the hardest form of torture.
Which was completely and utterly ridiculous.
The next morning came far too late, and I half expected him to walk into my suite with coffee in his hand or at least come in with my mom like he had been all week.
That Friday morning, he did none of those two things. He was once again nowhere to be found, and I couldn’t bring myself to knock on his door in case he was no longer there. Instead of feeling relieved that my bridal shower was that morning, Ethan didn’t attend that either.