Total pages in book: 125
Estimated words: 119680 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 598(@200wpm)___ 479(@250wpm)___ 399(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 119680 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 598(@200wpm)___ 479(@250wpm)___ 399(@300wpm)
“How many relationships have you had since then?” I ask, puzzle pieces sliding into place, thanks to my conversation with Rose earlier today.
He rubs the back of his neck. “I’m assuming by relationship you mean one that’s lasted more than twenty-four to forty-eight hours?”
“Oh, man.” I huff a laugh. “Now what Rose said earlier makes sense.”
I can see it in a way I couldn’t before, how his relationship with Lovey helped keep a barrier between him and everyone else. They were never going to be a couple. She was always going to be a safe place for him, and after what happened with Caroline, it makes sense that he would guard his heart.
So many things line up now—the way BJ always tries to find the bright side, how he is with Adele, how dedicated he is to his craft, how willing he is to be my soft landing. Why we connect the way we do.
“Which was what?” he asks.
“That being close to Lovey means you don’t have to get close to anyone else.”
“That’s not…” His brow furrows, and he runs his hand through his hair. “Fuck.” He shakes his head and murmurs, “I turned her into a shield.” He looks up at me. “How did I not see this until now?”
I shrug. “You didn’t have a reason to see it.”
“Fuck. I’m such an asshole.”
“That’s not true, BJ. I doubt it was conscious for either of you. You’ve been best friends your whole life—you lean on each other. It must have been hard to see you go through that. She would have wanted to protect you.”
“Like the way you protected your mom from your dad,” BJ whispers.
“Don’t draw that kind of parallel, BJ. You’re not an abuser.”
“But I used my best friend as an emotional shield.”
I squeeze his hand. “Everyone takes on roles, BJ. Some are good and some aren’t. The important part is, now that you see it for what it is, you can do something to change it.”
“I wish I would have realized this sooner. Then we could have avoided this shitty situation,” he says.
“We all make mistakes. We learn from them and move on.”
“Are we okay?”
“Yeah. We’re okay.”
“Can I hug you?” he asks softly.
“Yeah.” I smile. “You can hug me.”
He folds me into a tight embrace. “I hated every moment of today until this one.”
I pull back. “But if it hadn’t happened, would you have opened up to me about Caroline?”
“Eventually. Probably. Maybe.”
I smile, and he ducks his head.
“Thank you for letting me in. I know it was hard, but I feel closer to you now. So yeah, today sucked, but we got past the bad part, didn’t we?”
“Yeah. We did.” He smiles. “Thank you for being you.”
“Thank you for being brave enough to be vulnerable.” I cup his face in my palms and kiss him.
I feel steady again. And like maybe this something good I’ve found is going to last.
25 NEW BEGINNINGS
Winter
Lovey and I have a heart-to-heart to clear the air, and both of us end up getting emotional. She agreed that she and BJ needed some boundaries, and those would include not falling asleep together.
A few days before I’m scheduled to move to Chicago for college, my mom gets the all-clear to move back to the cabin. While she’s been recovering at the Sunshine Center, a local, family-run company called Stitches Construction has repaired the railing at the cabin, and they’ve cleaned out the entire garage. They have some kind of plan for that, but I don’t know what all it entails. They’ve also installed a security system, so my mom doesn’t have to worry about unwanted visitors.
So far, my dad has been following the order of protection, although I have a feeling Logan is responsible for that. All I can do is cross my fingers and hope the work my mom has done will help her continue to make good choices and keep my dad and his toxicity out of her life.
I was nervous about Mom being alone in the cabin, but she met a woman in her GED class who has a job at Harry’s Hardware and was looking for a place in Pearl Lake. She’s a few years younger than Mom, but she’s sweet and they get along well, so Clover and Sunny, Lovey’s mom, and I helped get my bedroom ready for her new roommate. I can always bunk with my mom if I come home to visit during the school year. And it’s worth it because for the first time in years, my mom has friends and a social life.
Mom has one of her GED classes the day we’re driving to Chicago. I don’t want her to miss it because it’s math and that’s never been an easy subject for her, so we plan for her to visit once I’m settled in. Coach Ballistic and Lily, and Rose’s parents, Charlene and Darren Westinghouse, help us load their pickup trucks with our belongings. I don’t have a ton of stuff, but Rose has enough boxes to fill a freaking warehouse, and we drive down to the city.