Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 79097 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79097 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
"Lev, you know I'm not the kind of woman to sit around home and raise kids. I am going to be the head of LSD."
"I know that," he says quietly. "But you're not going to rule alone."
Understanding dawns on me. My hopes and dreams, when meshed with his, could actually work. This just might work.
Asking him about his hopes and dreams is the first time I've allowed myself to think ahead like this. All my life, ever since I knew I was going to take over from my brother, I knew I was going to end him and bring freedom to my people. But I never thought beyond that. I imagined myself as the leader, the one everyone else had to obey. I imagined the end of Javier's reign of terror. But I never allowed myself the luxury of seeing anything beyond that moment. And then I knew…
"What is it?" he asks. "You get all quiet and serious when you're deep in thought. What are you thinking about?"
I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak. There is a lump in my throat the size of a boulder. If I talk…
"Isabella, what is it?" he asks sharply.
And then I need to tell him. For some reason, I need to tell Lev exactly what I'm realizing for the first time.
"I've always been prepared to die for my people. I never imagined myself getting any further than that. I never imagined I’d be… here. Not dead."
It's not that I don't want children ever. It's not that I don't want to be a mother and raise my kids with a man I could love. And I do wonder if I could fall in love with a man like Lev. I know it's already happening.
But I've never allowed myself to dream beyond the immediate goal. I've never allowed myself to think beyond survival. And now that I can…
"That's the truest sign of loyalty," he says quietly. "You told me your family wasn't loyal."
"Until me, it hasn't been." I think about Carlos's sister, about the little girl with braids skipping rocks in the creek by my home, looking for a bit of freedom. I think about my cousin Rosella, taken from her home. Javier wouldn't rescue her, even though he had the means to do so, because he hated her brother. Allowing her to die was his greatest act of vengeance.
I think about my mother. I don't even know if she loved me, but I know now that her lack of love was a protection mechanism.
I’ve had it with women being seen as less than. The Romanov family is far from perfect, but the Romanovs are the only ones even close to our circles who value women. Yes, they are no charity, but here, in the Romanov family, they rule with their talents and intelligence. Aria is the best hacker in the world. Aleks’s wife, Harper, can out-shoot anyone. I don’t know Lydia’s sister Vera, but Lydia is a force to be reckoned with.
Here, the Romanov family is the only one that can help me realize my dreams.
I'm not alone anymore. That is both a blessing and a curse.
"Let me ask you a question," Lev says, reaching for my hand. His hand is so much stronger than mine. "My family is yours now. Are you still willing to die for your family?"
"I will die defending what matters most to me. I took my vows to you, not out of love but duty. And duty trumps everything."
"That's a good answer, Isabella. It is an honest one, and that is all I ask for. I will do my best to give you everything. That is my duty to you. My obligation."
Lev is stoic and reserved. But beneath that surface, he has so much more to offer. Others might see the youngest in the family as somehow less than, but I know better. He hasn't been handed anything. He has had to fight for all of it—honor, courage, respect.
We pull up to his family home, and just like my time with him, it feels as if another year has passed. Weren't we just married?
"Today, you will meet Kolya."
"Your mentor. What is his story?"
"My father saved his life in the war, and out of duty and obligation, he came home with us. You could say he helped raise us, though he's more like an older brother than a father figure. He taught us discipline and how to fight."
"He's strong, then."
Lev laughs. "You could say that."
For some reason, I feel a little uncertain. I never feel this way, but I suppose I thought I knew my place in the Romanov family. Every time I meet another of them, I question it all over again.
"What does he think about me?" I try to keep my tone nonchalant, but I fail. My voice wobbles a little.