Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 66074 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 330(@200wpm)___ 264(@250wpm)___ 220(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66074 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 330(@200wpm)___ 264(@250wpm)___ 220(@300wpm)
“All right. Good. Okay. Explain what you mean by something hasn’t happened.”
I push my glasses back up my nose and look upward, trying to find the words to help me make him understand. “Well, it’s like… take you and my sister for example. The two of you are so different from each other, but your differences seem to fit each other, like puzzle pieces. Where she has weakness, you seem to be extra-strong in that area. Where you’re super chill and this… calming presence, Astrid—thanks to you—is back to being her bright, exuberant self. Yet you adore her wildness instead of being uncomfortable around it, and your chill doesn’t, um… ‘kill her vibe,’ as Seth would probably say. Instead, it’s like she gets you to live a little, and you make her feel as if she’s not ‘too much,’ like she shouldn’t dull herself down just because some people might find her extra-ness intimidating.”
He nods. “And you feel that you and Seth aren’t like this?”
“Right,” I confirm.
He looks at me seriously. “Firstly, you do understand that every successful relationship is different, right? It’s not always an opposites-attract type of—”
“Of course,” I interrupt. “I see all sorts of couples come into the shop. But I’m not talking about the opposites-attract thing. I’m more concerned about the part where Seth and I haven’t really… rubbed off on each other. Like how you calm Astrid when she may get overstimulated. Or how you get her to tone down a little when she could get herself in trouble or not realize when she’s being overbearing. Like in the kitchen a minute ago. You didn’t even say anything. You did some crazy Jedi mind trick, and she chilled on the bossy older sister thing she likes to do.”
“Jedi mind trick?” He raises a brow. “Twy, you just disproved yourself by saying that.” He grins. “Seth and his pop culture references have rubbed off on you enough that you now use them in conversation too.” He chuckles at my look of surprise.
“Well… I…. No. Not the same, Doc. Totally not so simple a thing as that. I’m talking about bigger, more important influence. Like… um… you know, sexually,” I finally get out, my face in flames once again. “See?” I screech, pointing to my blushing cheeks. “I can’t even say the word ‘sexually’ without getting embarrassed! I manage a freaking adult novelty shop, and I’m married to a Dominant who owns a whole freaking BDSM club. I am completely submersed in sex stuff twenty-four seven, and yet I never get acclimated to it. Not even slightly. Shouldn’t I be able to at least hold an adult conversation about… those things by now?”
“Twyla, you—”
I huff, cutting him off. “And yes, I’ve been this way since Seth met me, but I can’t help but think he likely hoped I’d loosen up with time. Become more… adventurous, or at least be able to follow his orders without clamming up like I’m still the freaking virgin he first met. And I feel as if being this way is a downer.” My eyes tear up again, my frustration quickly turning into a feeling of unworthiness. “He’s so… perfect to me. Everything I never even knew to dream of. I could not be happier than I am with him as my husband. He’s my everything, and the best dad in the whole world too. And I just….” I shake my head. “He is an incredible Dom. There hasn’t been a single moment between us that made me think—not even for a second—that he shouldn’t somehow be officially acknowledged as the world’s greatest Dominant. If there was a competition, he would win it. Just like everything else, he’s a genius in BDSM as well.” My lip wobbles as I take a breath, and the last part comes out defeated. “And I’m not even close to being the sub he deserves.”
The room is quiet for long seconds, and Doc gives me time to come to grips with finally speaking the things that have been bothering me for months, if not longer. It’s always been in the back of my mind, but I was able to brush it off by telling myself it would just take time. It might take a while, but I’d get used to it. I’d be able to speak nonchalantly about this highly sexual world of ours, just like my husband and all our friends. Just like my sister.
But I’m still just as sensitive to it as I was the day I started working at Toys for Twats.
A box of tissues appears in my line of vision that had been aimed at my lap. I take one, thank Doc quietly, and use it to wipe beneath my glasses.
“Twy, with this, I feel it’d be beneficial to you if I spoke more as your friend than as your therapist. Even though it would be inappropriate for any Dominant other than your own to speak to you about such things, in this case, I’m coming to you more as your husband’s best friend, who is also your friend, letting you in on some things you might not realize. Do I have your consent for this conversation to be worded in a casual, familiar way instead of as a professional psychologist with his patient?” Doc asks, and my heart swells even more toward my brother-in-law. He’s such a wonderful man, and I’m so happy my sister gets to spend the rest of her life with this incredible human.