Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112755 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 451(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
“Sounds good! Thank you,” English stated before taking a sip of her fizzy juice.
“Hold up. What now?” Desiree stared at the towels, then back at the woman. “We gettin’ naked?”
“Yes.” The woman nodded with a cheery smile.
“But why? Look, I don’t know what kinda freaky shit, I mean, mess, is going on here, but I don’t want a full body massage, just my back, and why would this be only from the waist down? Did I accidentally sign up for an ass massage? If so, trust and believe, it was a mistake.” Desiree looked around in confusion, not daring to face Melanie and English directly. Who, by the way, she could hear snickering in the background.
“Oh, you didn’t know the appointment was for yoni steaming?” the lady asked.
“What the hell is a yoni, and why are we steamin’ it like dumplings?”
At this, everyone except her was laughing now.
“Ma’am, yoni steaming is vaginal steaming. It’s a longstanding natural therapy to benefit in cleansing the vagina and uterus. It also can help regulate your menstrual cycle, and alleviate bloating and cramps. It’s wonderful, and we do a great job at it! Trust me, you’re in good hands.”
“…Oh.” She tossed a glance at Melanie and English, who were both red in the face, trying to keep from laughing at her expense. “…I see. So, I’m supposed to take my pants off and sit over there?” She pointed to one of the pretty pots that looked more like a drum. “I take it hot water is in ’em?”
“Yes, it’s warm water—not hot enough to hurt you. It’s actually quite comfortable. We add herbs such as basil and rosemary. You’ll sit on it for thirty minutes.”
Oh, so now I’m a bowl of chicken soup.
“Mmm hmmm.” Desiree wanted to protest, to take her yoni and go, but she remembered that English and Melanie had worked hard to arrange this for her. Besides, she was still supposed to get that back massage and her nails done, which she was looking forward to. “Okay. Well, I guess yoni steaming it is.”
“Any questions?” The lady looked about the room at everyone. They all just shook their heads.
Moments later, Desiree found herself sitting on the damn golden throne, with a white blanket over her waist, and cracking up. She felt so silly, but it seemed harmless enough. Melanie sat on her right, and English on her left, only the latter’s seat had no steam, and her feet were being worked over by some electric foot gadget that made odd suction noises.
“You shoulda seen your face, Desiree!” English cackled. “I told you it would be nice. Now, I don’t want you to freak out when it’s over.” The woman took a tiny sip of her sparkling juice then set it down.
“Why would I freak out? It would be over. That would be the best part… oh… Oh! it’s kinda warm. I’m tinglin’, y’all.” She began to wiggle around on the seat. The howls of laughter started all over again.
“I was sayin’ you might freak out because there’s going to be some stuff in the water afterwards, Desiree, and it ain’t pretty. You know how like after our period things can be strange sometimes for a couple of days? It gets all that gunk out that our cycle left behind. Steams it right on out! As soon as I have this baby, I will be getting them again on the regular. They’re amazing.” English snatched a magazine off a nearby table and flipped through it.
Nice romantic music played as they chatted. Bonding and growing together more. Melanie was full of insane stories from working at a bar, and English even shared some of her personal struggles, confiding some of the issues she’d had while briefly involved in a religious cult. The two women were quite fascinating, and she was pleased as pudding to spend this time with them. Melanie was her soon-to-be sister-in-law, who was already treating her like family, and English’s husband, Axel, was best friends with Legend. Everyone just seemed so close and open. She loved that, especially since her relationships with all but one sister were non-existent.
Another woman came in, offering them all refills, along with small platters of assorted nuts, olives, and other nibbles.
“Ohhhh, Desiree! Let me tell you about when Mel here, with her ridiculous self, called this a coochie board and got mad at me ’cause I had no idea what the hell she was talking about!”
“Don’t start, English. You knew what I meant. Coochie! Coochie! Coochie! Don’t nobody call this no damn charcuterie platter, ’cept your sadiddy ass!”
“I promise you, most people are not runnin’ around town calling a charcuterie board a coochie board, Mel. That’s all on you!”
“Well, obviously Axel been sampling your coochie board, and jumpin’ on it left and right, slangin’ that sausage, ’cause you the only one sittin’ here knocked up right about now, with your olive all stuffed.”