Total pages in book: 73
Estimated words: 67465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
It’s time it was out there, and we all knew the truth. It’s time to put this to bed, to rest, and back to wherever it belongs because I don’t want it gripping and controlling me, sucking the air from my lungs, and dictating my future any longer. I want to be free. And so does my mom. So does Kimmy, even though she has no idea what’s coming. This has impacted all our lives. It broke us apart. Now it’s time for us to come back together, to stitch up all those old wounds and finally let them heal.
And so my mom starts. She tells Nanny and Kimmy the same things she told me. This time, the story doesn’t end there. She has to tell Kimmy everything, including how my dad found out, his threats over the years, and the reason I really left and had to stay away. I feel for my sister. I love her. I always loved her. I loved being a big brother. Most guys would hate having their baby sister trail after them all the time, but not me. I remember being five years old and fascinated with her as a toddler. She brought so much joy to my life. She’s always been tougher than me, always, and that was a source of fascination and awe for me as well. I still feel awestruck when I see her, now as a grown woman. I’m amazed at everything she’s accomplished. I truly am. And also at how loyal she is to Remi.
I have to watch now as Kimmy takes everything in. It’s impossible for her to sort through it all right now. It’s going to take days, weeks, and probably even longer before she can come to terms with this, with growing up one way and for years, thinking our family was something it wasn’t. She’s bracing herself as the weight of our secrets settles on her. Nanny is too, but it’s worse for Kimmy. Nanny let her judgment and any anger and sadness go—a long time ago. But Kimmy never did. She was always the one who got left behind. The one who thought her big brother had just forgotten her.
“I never forgot you,” I tell her after mom is done. There are tears streaking down Nanny’s weathered cheeks, but Kimmy is dry-eyed. She’s like stone, but I know she’s feeling it inside. I know that soon, she’ll have to let all of it out, and if she needs me when she does, I’ll be there for her this time. I’ll always be here for her whenever she needs me. “I didn’t leave you by choice. I always thought about you. Mom would send me updates when she could. She always had to go to the public library to do it because they had computers there, but she’d email when she could. She had her own email that she never used anywhere but there. I’m sorry we couldn’t tell you, and I’m sorry you felt abandoned all these years. The truth is, I did too.” I glance quickly at my mom, who is also crying softly. “Not by you, Mom. Just…maybe that’s not the right word. But I did feel alone.”
I know it’s only right that I tell them about Tina, so I do. I tell them everything I told Remi. About how we got married young, how we both tried to make things work, but then the money ran out, and things were tough, how I tried and tried because I thought it was right, and I felt guilty because I wanted to be good enough for someone, and how unhappy it all was, and eventually, how it ended. It’s been two years, and my mom was only able to tell them discreetly because it wasn’t the kind of thing Kimmy would ever have brought up with my dad. She never talked about me, and my mom knew that.
The last thing I tell her about is the will and my dad’s condition that makes it so I can never inherit anything of his or come after her and the company, not that I would anyway. I quickly add that I don’t want to comment about it. I absorbed the hurt a long time ago, and it’s past time to move on. For all of us.
“I think we should hold hands,” my mom suggests when it’s all said and done, and everything is out there.
I feel hollowed out. Empty. Relieved. When people talk about burdens being physical weights, yeah, I get that I feel so much lighter too.
“What, like we’re going to summon the dead?”
My mom and I both let out twin sighs of relief. Kimmy did finally brush away a few tears, but she’s back to being my snarky, lively, spitfire sister.
“No. Not the dead. Life,” my mom corrects. “I want to summon all the good moments of the rest of our lives. Summon all the good that is yet to come. Good intentions, that’s what. We’re going to put it out there collectively, right here, right now.”