Total pages in book: 73
Estimated words: 67465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
“What you heard was my mom’s guilt. She wants to fight it, to undo it, to make everything alright. And I was telling her that I didn’t want it. I have my own company in Europe, but you already know that though. I took a few weeks off to settle down here, and the plan was to always run things from here if I could. I wanted to see if I could put my life back together. Or at least my family. I—I hate that I couldn’t come back until he was gone. I never wanted revenge or anything like that. I guess maybe I was trying to succeed as proof that I could since that’s usually the best form of vengeance there is. I don’t feel loathing anymore. I just feel sad.”
In truth, I feel weighed down to my very core, down to the marrow of my bones. Carrying this shit has been so heavy, and my god, I’m so exhausted. Secrets are like that. Insidious. They’ll fester inside you and eat you alive if you give them purchase. “I feel like I failed somehow. Failed everyone, including myself. I’m also pretty sure he died of a broken heart, and that’s on me.”
Remi abruptly releases my hand, and yup, she’s disgusted with me. I’m disgusted with myself too. The feeling is most certainly mutual. But then…but then, she flips over onto her side, and before I can muster enough courage to look at her, her hand traces down my shoulder and runs over my arm, stopping at my wrist. I finally do get my eyes to cooperate, even though they’re burning furiously now, and moisture might be clinging to my lashes. The blinds are half closed on the window at the far side of the bed, and the sun is getting low, coming through them, painting Remi in slashes and dashes and a dappled glow. She’s so beautiful that my eyes start burning for a different reason, and the aching spot in my chest isn’t the right kind of ache either.
“So all that time, you were pretending to be happy….” Remi’s hand traces a small circle over my shoulder, and tendrils of heat flare out from the spot. I work hard at controlling my body’s reaction because adding an inconvenient boner to the whole bastard deal is just in bad taste. “The world saw you as this golden boy. Everyone loved you in high school. You looked so carefree. And that smile you gave all the time? The one I haven’t seen since? It’s because it was fake, wasn’t it? You hid the real you the whole time.”
Emotion blocks off my throat. The air is getting thinner and thinner in this room. Remi’s eyes are getting bluer and bluer, and I realize it’s because there’s a sheen of tears in them. But she doesn’t let them fall. She’s not pitying me. She’s stunned, and she’s hurting for me. Because I’m her best friend’s brother.
Remi swallows, and then she brushes at her eyes, taking her hand away. “I’m glad you’re home.” My body breaks out in goosebumps. She makes that word sound sweet. Even if nothing about this city, my mom’s house, the company that Kimmy runs—any of it—is home anymore. At least Nanny’s is still familiar. “I’m glad you told me. It’s so painful, and it’s not right. You’ve lost years of your life to this. I’m so very sorry. But you trusted me with this, and I’m honored.” Tears make her words thick and unsteady, but she keeps swiping at her eyes so they don’t fall.
I hate that she’s crying over this. For me. I take a breath. Then another. I have to force them because my chest is so tight.
Suddenly, a smile—the truest of smiles—breaks over Remi’s face like a golden sunrise. It matches all that sunshine coming through the window, laving her in gold, laving her sharp cheekbones, full lips, and pale skin—all that delicate beauty she’s grown into. “I’m so glad you’re back. This is your home, and you deserve to be here.” It’s like she’s dipped into my head and read all my insecurities.
My heart aches. I never even confessed all this stuff to Tina. I just worked my ass off to give her the kind of life she wanted, the kind of life I thought she deserved. I’m pretty sure I was just setting myself up for failure, but I didn’t realize that until I was signing the divorce papers and my heart had shrunk to the size of a walnut. No one likes walnuts. They’re gross. At least, I hate them. Of all the nuts, they’re my least favorite.
“What do you feel now?” Remi asks, astonishing me. It wasn’t the question I was expecting.
The first word that comes to mind isn’t something I can say. Frankly, I feel worthless. That’s what I’ve been fighting for the last half of my life. I scraped together an investment company from nothing, convinced people to take a chance on me, and made sure they didn’t regret it. I worked hard day in and day out, sometimes sixteen to twenty hours a day. I even worked when I went to school. I never stopped working. I thought I wanted to prove myself to Tina, to give her everything she thought she was getting when she married me, because that was only fair. Honestly, though, I knew it was bigger than that. I had something to prove to my father.