Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 79314 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 397(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79314 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 397(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Love and sex in prison was always transactional, yet Ros had given himself without question, expecting nothing beyond the pleasure of Shane’s company. He’d been fearless in the way he’d embraced everything Shane was and made Shane feel he hadn’t completely fucked up his life. That Shane still had everything ahead of him.
Now, he craved to return the favor, and wanted Ros to need him just as much as it was the other way around.
“When you’re with me, I feel like I have a future.”
Hope burned bright in his heart when Rosen met his gaze, eager to soak in every word, like the cutest little sponge. “What does that mean? I’m not exactly the catch of the century anymore.”
Shane frowned, holding the cold pack to his head as he focused on the boy standing in the middle of the dingy kitchen. His moral compass used to spin aimlessly in a world without a true north, but that had changed. While he still often strayed off the right path, the needle always ended up guiding him toward Ros. In the past, he’d have rejected that trajectory but what was freedom if not the ability to make choices that felt right?
“You’re kidding me, right? I don’t need your money. I just want you back with me. Looking at me like I’m… just a guy, not scum who’s wasted most of his adult life already.”
Did Ros know that the touch of his fingers alleviated Shane’s pain in a way no painkiller could?
“You seem to have your life put together.”
“Fake it ‘til you make it, right?” Shane whispered through a throat that suddenly felt tight. He’d expected Ros to look away, but when he didn’t, Shane grasped his hand and squeezed it, staring straight into those pretty eyes. “My life is a mess. I have no aim. No future. I’m no one.”
“You’re someone to me,” Ros whispered, curling his fingers around Shane’s thick paw.
Shane’s throat dried, and he pulled the slender hand to his lips, kissing each knuckle with the reverence of a believer faced with his God. His heart beat faster, thudding inside his ribcage until he grew hot. “I did a shitty thing. And I tried to use you instead of seeing you for who you are. And now… I don’t know what to do, because I miss you more than I missed freedom in prison.”
Ros sighed, and when his hand slid up the back of Shane’s neck. He’d never been treated with such tenderness. Even before doing time. The touch stripped away Shane’s invisible armor, until vulnerable flesh was all that was left, but he still craved more with every inch of his being.
“I miss you too,” Ros confessed. “It’s tough out here on my own. I’m too ashamed of where I live to even invite Harlene over, so we’re not in touch much. It feels lonely”
Shane’s stomach twisted in sympathy, but he longed for more of this connection, and if opening up had already lured Ros closer to him, then maybe he should offer the boy more? “I was always ashamed of my home when I was younger. It didn’t even have a real door after Dad’s friend broke it.”
Ros hesitated, but then slowly straddled Shane’s lap and sat on his legs. Those blue eyes were like blades about to dissect Shane’s soul, and for the first time, he was not afraid of their scrutiny.
“You never spoke much about your family. Did you lose touch because of prison? You said you lived with Frank before that already,” Ros started, and when he didn’t finish his thought, Shane knew it was time to pick it up.
He shrugged, looking away despite the urgent need for Ros to see him. Pity might get him closer to this sweet, gentle boy, but the shame of his past was a rusty nail stuck in flesh and poisoning it even after such a long time. “They were…we were never close. They had their thing, I had mine.”
It was a wonder Shane hadn’t fallen prey to the same addiction that had consumed both of his parents, but then again he’d always been more into motorcycles than artificially changing his reality.
“It must have been hard on you, especially when you were younger,” Ros said, and even though thinking back to the past hurt, the sweet kiss he planted on Shane’s ear alleviated some of its burden.
“They lived in their own world. Not sure why they kept me around, to be honest. If I was a girl, they might have sold me off to someone. But since I was a boy… well, maybe it didn’t occur to them,” Shane whispered, staring at Ros’s bobbing Adam’s apple. Its rhythmic motion calmed all his sorrows, but since he’d gotten pushed away the last time he tried to take a bite of that delicious throat, he stayed put, just enjoying the warmth of Ros’s attention.