Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 129681 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 648(@200wpm)___ 519(@250wpm)___ 432(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129681 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 648(@200wpm)___ 519(@250wpm)___ 432(@300wpm)
Another hole that throbbed and moaned for all of eternity. I knew it, knew it too well, the way it felt when you lost something so important you no longer could remember how to breathe.
How to walk.
How to move on.
Jud touched my hand that I didn’t realize was shaking, that my movements had turned jittery as I’d ensured all of Juni’s protective gear was tight and secure.
“Darlin’, it’s okay.”
The words were a hard scrape.
A score in the air.
I swallowed hard.
He looked at me like I was a treasure.
What was I doing? But I couldn’t do anything but watch when Jud patted the seat of the pink bicycle. “Hop on, Juni Bee.”
She squealed, and he helped her get settled, showed her how to work the brakes and the pedals, all while keeping her upright.
Gage went jetting by with Trent running behind him to hold him up so he could learn how to pedal and balance.
“I’m flying, Juni! You better hurry up! I’m gonna ride up the highest mountain and then shoot all the way to the stars.”
“Don’t leaves me!” she shouted, pushing her feet hard at the pedals. Jud started to jog behind her, keeping her straight.
Emotion gathered in my chest.
A fist.
A crush.
A caress.
Tears blurred my eyes as I stepped out onto the street behind them to watch two brothers who I knew had suffered so much pain, take up the simple, ordinary task of teaching these two children how to ride their bikes.
So much patience.
So much care.
And I wondered if Trent thanked God that he had his son, safe and secure, and if it was killing Jud that his daughter was out there somewhere. That he didn’t know her. If his own vacancy was shouting out inside of him.
Condemning.
Reminding him of what he’d done.
I jumped when the hand took mine. I glanced to the left at Eden who had come up beside me. She squeezed my hand as we both gazed out at the men racing and laughing with the children.
Juni was screaming, her movements a little erratic as she jerked at the handlebars.
“Just relax, Juni, and go with the flow. I have you. I have you,” Jud repeated.
I have you.
My heart throbbed and my spirit moaned.
“I see so much of my fiancé in you,” she whispered out into the distance. “He was so scared of it…scared of loving someone. That he would be wrong to accept it.”
My throat suddenly felt tight, burning as the old wounds writhed.
I could feel her glance at me, though I couldn’t look away from where Jud laughed as he ran along holding Juni up.
A shield.
Fierce, unrelenting armor.
A cushion that would catch her, waiting beneath.
They guided the bikes in circles, raced the straightaways, crisscrossed as Juni and Gage chased each other.
Giggles and joy floated on the summer air, all while Trent and Jud jumped in on the taunts.
“You’re going down.”
“Ha, you don’t even know what’s coming for you.”
Everyone teasing and playing.
Easy.
Right.
“Different, of course,” Eden added, “but in the end, it’s always the tragedies, the mistakes, our scars, and our regrets that hold us back from the goodness—the gifts—that are waiting for us to receive them.”
“Me and Jud? Oh, we’re just having fun.” The lie felt like a thousand-pound weight. “We both agreed that neither of us are in a position to fall in love.”
Eden let go of a soft scoff, one made of gentle disbelief. “You think that man doesn’t love you? I doubt I’ve ever seen anything so blatant as what he feels for you.”
Fear bottled tight. It constricted my throat.
“He can’t…”
I trailed off.
Because the truth was, I couldn’t…I couldn’t let myself fall.
Be so reckless.
I was just worried I was already there.
“Let go, Dad!” Gage shouted. “Faster! I gotta go faster!”
“You’re sure you’re ready?”
“Yep!”
“Remember how to brake.”
“I know, Dad, I know!”
Trent let Gage go.
Gage wobbled for a second before he took off by himself.
He screeched when he realized he was unassisted. “I’m doing it! I’m doing it! Look it, Mommy! Look it, Juni! I bet you can’t catch me! You see that mountain over there? That’s where I’m going all the way to the top.”
His entire face was full of a grin.
Juni followed behind, Jud right behind her.
Her rock.
Her fortress.
“You ready to try, Juni Bee?” he asked her.
“I don’t knows!” she shouted at him, terror in her eyes as they whizzed back by on the other side.
He chuckled. “I’ll be right here beside you. You need me, I have you.”
My heart rattled.
“Okay, I can do it! I wants to be like you, Motorcycle Man!”
He let her go.
My daughter soared.
Rode and played and lived.
My chest stretched. Pressed full. Overflowed.
I thought there was a chance it might burst.
Jud ran along beside her. “You’re doing it, Juni. Look at you, big girl.”
“I’s doing it!”
Trent jogged beside Gage, and the four of them headed up the road.
“Come on, let’s go.” Eden giggled and tugged at my hand, and we jogged after them, laughing, too.