Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 98487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98487 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 492(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 328(@300wpm)
“Hey, I had fun.”
“Yes, and then you decided to settle down. We may look alike, but we are far from the same.”
He laughs. “I know. I just want you to have fun.”
“I am having fun,” I say, which isn’t a lie. I enjoy the Bullies’ house, and practice has been cool. Gymnastics is crazy hard, and it’s fun to watch them. Though, all this taping is chafing my hands. So much tape. I shake my head, though Owen is on my Bluetooth and can’t see me. “I’m doing good. I promise.”
“Fine. But, and I only say this with love, have some meaningless sex. You have all these girls at your fingertips. Have some fun.”
“Are you missing your single life?”
Owen chuckles. “Not at all! I just want you to have some fun, dude.”
“Owen, I’m good. Plus, I don’t want that reputation. The coach likes me, and the team respects me. If word gets out that I’m fucking around with everyone, I’ll look bad.”
“God, you’re so much like Mom it’s crazy. Your reputation is fine, Evan.”
“I know, but it means a lot to me. I’m already dealing with walking away from the NHL. I don’t want to be known as a fuck-’em-and-leave-’em guy who has mental issues. Ya know? I want more than that.”
He pauses. “You do like girls, right? If not, I found out the other day Williamson is gay. He’s a good-looking dude.”
Jesus, my brother is a lot. “I like girls.” To my surprise, and out of nowhere, Callie Pearce comes to mind. I haven’t let myself think about her all day since I left her this morning, but it’s hard. Not only is she a great runner, but she’s so graceful and has strong legs that are unbelievable. She’s stunning, with thick, crazy-curly brownish-blond hair and deep green eyes. She’s little, only coming up to the middle of my chest, but I like what I see. I’ve seen some beautiful women lately, but there is something about Callie.
I feel like I know her. I feel comfortable around her.
“Also, how did you just find this out? Williamson has always been gay,” I say, ignoring my thoughts of Callie.
“Oh, I didn’t know that.”
“Because you’re too busy trying to smash all the girls.”
He laughs. “Probably. You should try it.”
“Again, I’m not like you,” I remind him. “So, let it go.”
He doesn’t say anything, though I know he wants to. I know that he knows that I know that he knows about my sexual orientation, but I refuse to talk about it. Every time we talk about this kind of stuff, though, I’m reminded, and I feel like less of a man, which isn’t fair. I don’t need to smash a bunch of women to feel like a man. I’m good with my choices. “Fine. But come on. I know the girls are hot.”
He’s relentless. “Yes, and I am very much attracted to one of them,” I admit, just to keep him off my ass.
“Oh, really?” he sings in his annoying way. “Tell me more.”
“I hate you,” I say, and despite my annoyance, I laugh along with him. “It’s nothing. She’s a beautiful girl, and she knew the handshake that Merryweather taught us.”
“I mean, she’s a winner already.”
“Yeah, but she is the only one who has not hit on me.”
“I love her. Ask her out.”
“I’m good,” I say, shaking my head. If she had flirted, or even acted as if she was interested, I would have considered it. Between watching her eat shit at the ACOB and running with her, I’ve developed a little crush. It doesn’t mean anything, I don’t even know her, but I find her adorable. Add in the fact that she doesn’t give up, not even after falling a billion times on some kind of flippy thing, and I’m intrigued. Not enough to do anything about it, though. I’ve got too much going on. “I need to focus on me.”
“You’ve been focusing on yourself for over a year. You’re doing better than you give yourself credit for.”
My brother, my number-one hype man. “Thanks, Owen.”
“Always.”
When I pull up to my parents’, we say our goodbyes as his words weigh heavy on my heart. He’s right. I have really committed to healing myself and making changes, but it’s hard to even consider putting myself out there. I fear rejection, and that’s why I suffered in silence for so long when it came to the sport I love.
But the more I think about it, Callie’s statement really rings true. Maybe I never loved hockey; I just thought I did because everyone else does. I’m not sure. But soon, I’m unable to think because once I walk into the house, it’s a fucking circus.
Why are we still taking photos like we did when we were kids? All of us line up, holding one another as my mom clicks photo after photo of us. She even FaceTimed Owen to include him in the photo. I looked like the dumbass holding the phone with my twin brother smiling like an idiot as we all touch Shelli’s stomach. It’s insane and totally ridiculous; alas, we do it. My mom and Fallon, Shelli’s mother-in-law, are both really in their feelings. Super sentimental.