Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 92702 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92702 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Maybe I didn’t think about it enough, or at all. I only saw the importance of getting her here. Just like before, in the beginning, when all I saw was a way to quickly and easily get out of the trouble I was in with school, with my tuition. I never thought about what might happen, all the reasons I might not want to take such a risk.
I can barely look at myself in the mirror after splashing my face one last time.
I expected him to go back downstairs, but instead, he hands me a towel and watches as I pat my face. “Are you going to be all right? You’re not sick, are you?”
“Just feeling a little shaky. But I’ll get over it.”
“You’re sure?”
I lower the towel. “Sure, yeah.”
He runs a hand through his hair, tousling it a little as he backs away so I can step out into the hall. “I only want to be sure.”
It’s almost sweet how worried he is. And I don’t think that after everything he’s put me through, there’s anything wrong with me feeling a little smug. He could have killed me more than once throughout this whole nightmare. Who could blame me for enjoying his concern a little bit?
But I’m not a monster, either. “You don’t have to worry about me every minute of the day, you know. We have a lot of months ahead of us. You’re going to wear yourself out with all this worrying.”
“This isn’t exactly easy for me. I don’t have anything to do with carrying the baby. I’m standing on the outside, looking in.”
Right, and he’s not used to being the one standing on the outside, being out of control. Now I’m starting to get it. This isn’t only the concern of a first-time father—which would be bad enough. He feels like his whole life, his whole purpose, is wrapped up in this. And it’s driving him out of his skull not to have control over every last aspect of it.
It seems wrong for so many reasons, having a conversation like this while Elena is downstairs, unconscious. Like the last thing on my mind should be my relationship with Enzo. And I’m surprised he’s taking the time to talk with me when he has so many things to do now.
The intensity in his eyes when he stares at me, though, tells me he’s not distracted. He’s fully here in the moment with me. “I promise, if anything seems even slightly off, like just a little bit, I’ll tell you about it right away. No secrets and no stalling. You’ll be the first to know.”
“I appreciate that. And you know I’m going to hold you to it.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything else.”
He looks toward the stairs, remembering what else is going on, I guess. “I’m going to need you to stay up here now. In your room.”
Wanting to argue with him is reflex; that’s all because, deep down inside, I don’t want to be around for whatever happens next. But still, a part of me wants to fight back because I hate it when he orders me around like this.
He lowers his brow when I hesitate, and a familiar rush of heat blazes through me. Now is not the time for my hormones to go on a rampage. “You’re going to need to get this through your head. You are carrying my child. Right now, you are the most important person in the entire world. And that’s why, while I’m dealing with this, you’re going to stay in this room and not come out until I say it’s safe. I have a lot on my mind, and I want to be able to deal with it while knowing you’re safe. Do you understand?”
Right. He cares this much because of the baby. Not because he cares about me. I’m actually glad he said it, so I don’t get any crazy ideas. Once the baby is born, that’s it. I won’t matter anymore.
I can’t even be annoyed, not really. Because as sad as I am, knowing his concern isn’t really about me, it’s still one of the sweetest things he’s ever said to me. And my heart is just that vulnerable, that needy for him, that I can’t help but reach out and grab his words and cling to them. I even force a smile I don’t feel in hopes of easing his worries. “Okay. I’ll stay here.”
I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t believe me or he’s being overly cautious, but he puts a guard at my door anyway before heading back downstairs.
I wish he would stay here with me. I feel so mixed up inside. Guilty and conflicted, and annoyed with myself on top of that. Annoyed that I feel bad about Elena, annoyed that I’m so lonely, and most of all, that I crave Enzo’s love the way I do. It’s pointless, but I can’t seem to convince my heart of that.