Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 56462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 282(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 282(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
He takes the list off his chest and glances at all the boxes ticked off, all except one, and I can’t help but wonder if his mind has gone to the same place mine has. “I’m sorry, Mila,” he rumbles. “This list was never intended to break your heart.”
“I know. I’m the one who should be sorry,” I tell him. “I shouldn’t have made a wish for something I knew we could never have. It’s just, being away from you for so long, I start to think that maybe things could be different.”
“I . . .” he lets out a breath as he sits up, devastation flashing in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I have to go, Mila. Your wishes are complete, and I’ve been here much longer than I should be allowed.”
I suck in a breath, flying to my feet as the sheer panic begins to settle in. “How can it already be time? You’ve barely been here a few hours,” I say, but as my gaze shoots to the window, I realize the sun has already lightened the horizon.
Nick gets up, his eyes softening as he steps into me, his hands finding my waist. “I’m sorry, Mila.”
“No. No, no, no. This can’t be it already. I only just got you back. I . . . I—”
Nick pulls me in against his chest, holding me tight, his arm curled around my body and his hand in my hair. I cry against his warm chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart—a heart I fear I won’t get the chance to see again. What if this is goodbye? What if something happens during the year and one of us realizes it’s time to move on? He promises it won’t happen, that I’ll always be it for him, that when a soul finds its person, it sticks. But how can that truly be real? How can I hold onto this love from someone who I only ever see once a year? He’ll soon enough forget me the moment he meets someone new, someone not so far away, someone far less complicated than me.
“Don’t,” he says. “I know where your head has gone. This isn’t it, Mila. I’ll come back for you again. Wish me here, just like you did this year.”
I pull back, hating the tears staining my cheeks, and as I look up into those dark eyes, I see the same pain in my heart reflected in his eyes. He wants to stay just as much as I need him to, but how am I ever supposed to make this work?
He’s going to walk away and my heart will tear to shreds.
Nick takes my hand and leads me out into my living room where he reluctantly gets dressed. He pulls his red coat back on and fixes the belt into place before stepping into his black boots. He’s the perfect sexy Santa, and despite having sat with his identity for a year now, it’s still crazy to try and wrap my head around.
The moment he’s dressed, he takes my hand again, and we make our way to the living room window, just as we had last time. He helps me out onto the fire escape, only this time, the walk up to the roof is silent and filled with deep sorrow. I can’t keep the tears from coming, knowing just how hard a year without him truly is.
Reaching the roof, I’m met with the sight of the beautiful reindeer, and just like last December, they completely blow me away. The sleigh is a crazy sight, but the reindeer are what truly hold my attention. We walk toward them, and with each of them awake and ready for their trek back home, I can’t help but notice how I hold their attention.
Nick stops just shy of the reindeer, and as he turns to meet my stare, there’s a strange reluctance in his eyes, something dark, but I can’t quite put my finger on why. “This is really it?” I ask.
He nods. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you all of your wishes.”
“I know,” I murmur, stepping into him again and feeling the way his strong arms wrap around me. “You don’t need to be sorry. I understand. I shouldn’t have asked for it. I just . . . I so badly wish that I could be yours. To be with you every day. To have this every day.”
That strange darkness flashes in his eyes again. “You don’t understand what you’re asking for,” he says. “Do you know what a life with me would mean?”
“No,” I admit. “But I don’t even care. I want it. Anything is better than the life I have here without you.”
Nick takes a breath, and he looks at me like he’s truly struggling to walk away and leave me here broken just as he did last year. His hands ball into tight fists, his jaw clenching and unclenching. He closes his eyes again, and when he opens them, they’re somehow even darker. Something within his stare warns me it’s time to walk away, but I can’t.