Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 56462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 282(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 56462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 282(@200wpm)___ 226(@250wpm)___ 188(@300wpm)
But also, are Christmas wishes made in January still valid? I don’t know what kind of magic it is that allows him to be able to whip around the whole globe in a single night and visit over two billion homes, but does that magic extend outside of the Christmas season?
I’ve got no fucking clue, and sitting here on the edge of a frozen fountain with my letter to Santa makes me feel like such a fucking loser. If anybody were to stop and ask what I was doing, they’d have me committed and strapped to a bed in a straitjacket.
Shaking off the doubt, my gaze trails down to the letter as I unfold it, reading over it one last time and hoping that I get this right.
Dear Nick, A.K.A the PussySlayer3000,
I have no idea what I’m doing, but what I do know is that my boring wishes of the past are going to stay in the past. After discovering just what you and your big red sleigh are capable of, I feel it’s time we start pushing some boundaries.
There are twelve months in the year, and considering the five checkbox wishes you so graciously allowed me to make this past Christmas, I’m going to go ahead and assume having twelve wishes really isn’t too much to ask. Though, I was thoroughly exhausted after your last visit. I don’t know if my lady taco can physically handle any more than five wishes, but as we recently discovered, I’m more than up for a good challenge.
By the way, you completely rocked my world in case you hadn’t realized. I just hate that you had to leave, but I get it.
So, here’s the deal. Every month, I’m going to come and sit right here on the edge of this stupid fountain and send you my wish. As for the letter, I have no idea if you’re actually going to get it or if all of this is going to be some big waste of time. But I’m committed now.
There’s no going back.
Anyway, for my first wish this Christmas. I think it comes as no surprise that I need you to take me the second you see me. It’s going to be a looooong year waiting for you to appear in my stupidly cramped living room, so we’re going to need a quickie just to get it out of our systems. After that, we can take our time! Might I suggest throwing me up against the wall and slamming inside of me? Don’t worry, I’ll be ready for you this year. No accidentally falling asleep this time.
Anyway, that’s it. I don’t really know what else I’m supposed to say, only that I kinda miss you. Is that ridiculous?
Love always,
Your Christmess Eve Stalkee.
I’m not exactly thrilled with my letter, but honestly, I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to the guy who’s been stalking me for the past twenty years. He thoroughly rocked my world, and if I’m completely honest, it took well over three days before I was able to walk around without feeling exactly where he’d been. I loved every second of it.
Christmas morning came, and I didn’t even notice how alone I was. All I could think about was the night I’d just spent with a man who I think is amazing. Truth be told, I guess I don’t really know. He’s the perfect stranger, and yet, I feel like my soul instantly knew him. That’s weird, right?
Fuck.
Feeling the chill of the late January air, I stand from the fountain’s edge and turn to look at what’s usually flowing water. My plan was to toss the letter into the water, just like I’d tossed the penny in, but I suppose that’s not going to work today considering it’s completely frozen over.
Trying to figure out a plan, I shamelessly search around the fountain, probably looking like a fucking idiot, before finally finding a loose tile along the fountain edge and lifting it up. Sliding the Christmas letter wish beneath it, I let out a heavy breath, and deciding there’s no going back now, I lower the tile back down and walk away, hoping like hell he receives it.
FEBRUARY
To the Midnight Pussy Penetrator with Exceptional Tongue Game,
Sooo . . . I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I lied in my last letter.
I don’t just kinda miss you. I miss you a lot, which I feel really stupid about. I didn’t realize I could become so attached to someone after only one night. But then, is it only just one night? It’s more like 20 years of thinking about you. Wondering who you are and what kind of man you became. (By the way, I really appreciate the kind of man you’ve grown into. Like really, really appreciate it.)
It’s been two months since Christmas, and I still haven’t figured out how to write a proper letter to you. I’m still stuck on what to say. Hell, I don’t even know if you’re getting these or not, but like I said in my last letter, I’m committed now. I’m seeing this through right until I get to see you again.