Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 86763 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86763 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
It was in that moment that I’d finally come to accept that I couldn’t fix whatever was broken inside of Ronan. I’d thought by giving him every part of myself that it would be enough, but it wasn’t. It never would be. Ronan had and always would love only one man. A man I couldn’t compete with and didn’t want to.
The jet jerked over some kind of bump on the tarmac and I barely managed to swallow the whimper in my throat. I’d been on planes before, but I’d been so young then that being on them had been more about the excitement of going anywhere other than home. I hadn’t yet understood the concept of mortality or how one simple twist of fate could change everything.
Bullet sat up and put his head on my lap. I managed to unclench one of my hands long enough to drop it on his head, but as the jet began racing down the runway, I felt my panic start to rise. Bullet whined but it was Ronan who got up from his seat and moved across the jet to sit down next to me. I saw the single flight attendant flash him a disapproving look, but I doubted Ronan noticed or even cared. His hand forced mine open so he could link our fingers and then he was drawing my body against his. In one way, it was exactly what I needed. In another way, it was exactly what I didn’t.
My second declaration of love had been ignored just like the first one, but I really hadn’t expected anything different. I’d sensed that I wouldn’t have much more time with Ronan because he had continued to withdraw from me emotionally, even as he physically kept me close. And once several more men had arrived to watch the house, I’d felt like it was the beginning of the end. Because Ronan was only keeping his promise not to let anyone hurt me. He’d never promised me he’d stay with me.
Once the jet was airborne, I straightened so I was no longer pressed against Ronan’s broad chest. I carefully tugged my hand loose and put it back in my lap. Ronan quickly got the message and got up to go talk to Hawke. I kept myself busy by massaging Bullet’s ears but when he finally dropped back down to the floor of the plane, I had nothing to do but get lost in my own thoughts.
And I’d been doing way too much of that lately.
* * *
If I thought Seattle was bad in terms of congestion, New York was an absolute nightmare. Even being in the relative safety and quiet of the limo Stan had rented to pick us up from the airport, I felt like I was going to throw up at the sight of all the cars, bikes and people. The drive from LaGuardia to the posh hotel in Manhattan took a while because of the midday traffic. Bullet was between me and Ronan on the back seat and Hawke was sitting on the opposite side. Not a word was spoken, but the way both men kept scanning our surroundings had me on edge. Not to mention the sight of their guns sitting in their holsters.
I had no clue who might be after me or why. The mugging had scared me, so had Bullet getting shot. But I’d accepted them as terrible, but random, events. Knowing that someone wanted to hurt me was nearly crippling. Because it took me right back to the night of the home invasion that had killed my parents. And I felt as helpless now as I had then.
When the limo pulled to a stop in front of the hotel, Hawke got out first, then Ronan. I waited until Ronan told me it was okay and grabbed ahold of Bullet’s leash and led him from the car. To my surprise, Ronan took my free hand in his. It both thrilled and irritated me because every time I felt like I had him figured out, he did something that just confused me further.
Once we were checked in and settled in the room, I escaped to the bedroom. I’d ended up booking an actual suite in the hotel so both Ronan and Hawke had their own rooms. Hawke left almost as soon as we arrived in the room. Other than our talk on the beach a couple of weeks ago after I’d made Ronan leave my house, I hadn’t spoken much to Hawke. But I’d realized my first impression of him had been both right and wrong. I knew he was hard and unyielding, but he’d shown his compassionate side as well, especially when he’d been reassuring me that Bullet hadn’t eaten any of the poisoned meat. I also knew that Bullet was a great judge of character and the fact that he spent nearly as much time with Hawke as he did with Ronan meant that for all his darkness, Hawke was a guy you wanted at your back.