Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 88317 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88317 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“Perhaps that’s on both of us.” He was way more generous than my behavior merited.
“I could have said that I love you and that I want a future together and that I’m going to do whatever it takes to get that future.”
“Okay, yeah, that’s a nice speech.” He kissed my cheek again. “How about you try that next time instead of assuming that I’m going to bolt?”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Of course, you...” Arthur started a flip response then trailed off as he frowned. “Wait. You’re serious. You think that you, best person I’ve ever known, guy my parents would happily trade me for, doesn’t deserve me?”
“Good things never last,” I whispered, bunching up the comforter with my fist.
“Yeah? Well, this one does.” Arthur used his hand to make me look at him. “And you, Derrick Fox, are one hundred percent deserving of being happy. You. Not because you made chief or because you qualify for a mortgage, but you. You are worth this.”
And then I, Derrick Fox, decorated naval chief, really was crying. I’d been afraid to hope for so long, afraid to trust in a future that might not be here for me. I’d almost lost my shot at a future I could have, if only I was brave enough to reach for it.
“Oh, fuck. Now I’ve made you cry.” Arthur wrapped me up in a big hug.
“Didn’t even take sex this time.” I took a big breath, trying to use the joke to steady myself.
“I love you. You need to love you too.” Arthur was apparently not done being serious, and his solemnity made my eyes sting all over again.
“I’ll try,” I promised. “You make me want to try.”
“Good, because you’re worth forever.”
“So are you.” I found his mouth for a sloppy but heartfelt kiss. “Wait, you’re crying too.”
“You started it.” Laughing, he poked me in my chest. “And are you sure I’m the one you want? I mean I do come with this big, crazy family...”
“I love your big crazy family.” I kissed him hard. “But I love you more.”
“Good. And that’s another thing I love about you. You kind of helped me to love them again. To see that maybe I did belong even when I assumed I didn’t.”
“You did belong. And you’ll always belong with me.” I pulled him more fully against me.
“Well, being in your cabin does have certain perks.” He winked at me. “But I’d share a canvas yurt with you. Truly.”
“I’m not going to hold you to that.” I chuckled and tumbled us both back onto the pillows. “I’m good for indoor plumbing at least.”
“You’re the best fake boyfriend ever.” He kissed my nose. “And the last real partner I want to have.”
“There’s nothing fake about how I feel for you.” I hugged him close. My favorite blanket in the world was his warm weight on me.
“Me too. I love you. And I’m always going to be waiting. Always.”
“I’m gonna do my best to make it worth it.” My voice was thick again. Knowing he would be waiting made me want to come home that much more. He was my home, my purpose, the thing I didn’t even let myself want. He was home, and as I kissed him, I knew I’d spend the rest of my life coming back to him.
Chapter Forty-Two
Arthur—Winter
“Are you sure you can make it for breakfast?” Mom asked, voice crackling like she was in a store. Outside my window, a dank gray Seattle winter day had settled in for another long week of rain. But inside, my heart was sunny, and I smiled as I leaned back in my desk chair.
“We’ll be there,” I assured her. “Derrick’s due here any time now, and I’ll set double alarms if I have to.”
“Good. I can’t wait to have everyone together again.” The family was gathering for Calder’s birthday, and a weekend brunch had worked out the best for multiple packed schedules.
“I know. And Derrick doesn’t want to miss it either.” Things were less weird with Calder these days. He and Derrick had recently hung out with other friends from the base for a night of cards. I’d been invited, which Calder seemed to be making more of an effort to do lately. I appreciated Calder cutting way back on the teasing, but I’d still sent Derrick without me both to meet a deadline on my latest project and to give them some friend time alone. We’d picked out Calder’s present together, though, and neither of us was about to bail on family breakfast to see him open the handheld poker game we’d found.
“I hope it doesn’t snow. Oliver and Roger are both driving so early,” Mom fretted.
“It won’t snow. Just more rain, but Oliver and Roger are great drivers, regardless.”
“I know. I only want a nice day for Calder. He’s seemed subdued lately. I want to see him happy. Maybe he needs to date more.” There was a rustling noise on the phone, and I laughed softy to myself at the notion of her shopping for dates for Calder, like flipping through a rack of choices.