Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91979 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91979 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 460(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
And when Ash looked out at the congregation that day, I swear it felt like his crown was finally and firmly pressed onto his head, just like mine.
I’d been baptized in bad blood.
While he’d been baptized in death.
Both moments had created us, formed us, and both moments would define us.
“You can sit,” Ash said boldly into the microphone. “I asked my best friend to stand up here with me because I wasn’t completely sure I could make it through. But more than that, sometimes you just need people you love by your side to remind you that in a world full of hate, love still exists.” The room was so quiet I could hear my own slow breathing as I locked gazes with Serena and refused to look away all the while thinking, let them see who owns my heart, let them see because even in death, I would only ever be… hers.
Ash continued. “All it takes is one second, and life can get ripped from you. I actually had a fight with Claire that morning. She wanted to go shopping, and I wanted to send security with her. She finally won because she was part Russian and absolutely terrifying when she needed to be.”
The room fell into chuckles.
“But I would take that fight over and over again; I would take blood and war and beatings just to hold her one last time. To tell her that I’m sorry I couldn’t protect her. To tell her I’m sorry I couldn’t keep them safe—” His voice cracked. “It’s heavy, that moment when you realize your life isn’t ever going to be the same, when you realize your love created a life you’ll never get the chance to see.”
Serena’s eyes filled with tears. As one spilled over, I still didn’t look away. I couldn’t.
Ash took a minute. “She was pregnant.” The room stilled with tension. “And we were trying to figure out how to navigate this world, we were shaken with the brutal truth that bringing up kids in this atmosphere is anything but easy, anything but innocent, and we were broken with the absolutely horrifying idea that we would fail, but she reminded me, in a time when I desperately needed it, that our parents succeeded. That they raised up a generation of warriors, of mafia royalty that would forever protect their blood until their last breath. She reminded me who I was, whose blood ran through my veins. She reminded me that fear only steals, makes you powerless, that walking through that fear is what makes you a man.”
“I love you,” Serena mouthed to me.
“You too,” I mouthed back.
Let them see our love.
Let them hate us for it.
I was done. So done.
“I will miss my best friend until my last breath, but I refuse to walk in fear. I refuse to cower. If anything, Claire’s death hasn’t woken the beast. It’s risen within me the sleeping giant that was always there, that just needed a little push from a very wise woman to understand what life meant. I will be forever grateful to the love of my life. And I’ll mourn her until I join her, whenever that may be. Thank you for honoring her today, and thank you for honoring the families by your presence.” He looked out to the crowd and took a deep breath then finished with. “Blood in. No Out… except death.”
“Blood in.” The congregation responded. “No out.”
“Amen,” Ash whispered.
I released the breath I’d been holding and looked to my right as we made our way back down the stairs to our seats, and what I saw chilled me to the bone.
Nixon looked from me to Serena silently crying in her seat, and then back at me. It was a moment when I should have ducked my head, or rolled my eyes, done anything except what I did.
Fucking stare him down and challenge him for the treasure in his kingdom.
Her.
I was supposed to sit with my family, but in that moment, I made a choice, one I should have made all those years ago when Ash broke us apart.
Today.
Today. I would choose Serena Abandonato.
And I would do it knowing my moments were counted, my seconds numbered, knowing I was choosing her, the way I was choosing my own death.
Trace gaped at me in shock as I stared Nixon down and sidestepped him, then sat next to his daughter and held her hand.
Chase turned over his shoulder and shot me a nod of approval, but my dad, my dad looked at me like he was going to lose me. I didn’t realize my mom was crying into her hands until he put his arm around her to keep her from making any noise.
They’d seen everything.
They knew.
And I would pay the ultimate price.
Down into the darkness, I walked with my princess by my side, toward blood, beatings, uncertainty in utter blindness. And never had I felt so happy.