Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 130048 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 650(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130048 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 650(@200wpm)___ 520(@250wpm)___ 433(@300wpm)
Unable to hide my scowl, I grabbed the desk chair, sat down, and placed my fingers on the laptop keys. Thank fuck Q had transferred thirty million into my personal account. I didn’t have to worry about software recording my every keystroke or seeing the Mercer last name. For all my online stuff, I still went by Ward.
Logging into my banking, I copied the number Victor had scribbled down, then pressed PAY NOW.
I probably had all kinds of alerts on me thanks to a huge deposit followed by a substantial withdrawal. The tax man would think I’d won the lottery and gone on a spending spree.
I felt no guilt whatsoever as Q’s money vanished into Victor’s account, and the laptop automatically locked me out.
Looking at Victor across the office, I stood. “It’s done.”
“Excellent.” He rose elegantly from the couch and strolled to the exit. “I’ll wait until its deposited and then we’ll celebrate. Lunch will be served in an hour. You’re welcome to do whatever you wish. Join us or not, your decision.” He grinned as I stepped past him into the arrow-slitted corridor. “Enjoy yourself, Ward. Pleasure doing business with you. Ta-ra.”
He shut the door in my face.
* * * * *
I stood beneath the icy pinpricks of my second shower of the day.
Unlike my last shower, I didn’t grab Ily’s underwear and masturbate. I wasn’t jittery with nerves about going downstairs and acting my ass off. I wasn’t twisted up with fears that I wouldn’t have to act at all. That I’d fall and fall and become one of them.
All I felt was sick.
Violently, viciously sick.
My back convulsed as I bent forward and retched. Nothing came up. I hadn’t eaten since lunchtime yesterday, yet it didn’t stop acidic bile burning the back of my throat as my body retched again and again, making me claw at the tiles.
I’d felt fine walking away from Victor’s office. I’d been okay as I climbed down curving stairs and stepped onto my floor. And I’d felt mildly unwell as I found my room and entered.
But the moment the door slammed behind me, the loneliness I’d been afflicted with my entire life pounced.
It pounced hard.
I barely made it to the toilet for the first convulsion.
A lifetime of being on my own crushed me with familiar pain.
Until four months ago, I’d never understood what I’d done wrong for my mother to recoil from me. Why she flinched if I got too close. Why she looked at me with fear in her eyes. For almost three decades, I thought I’d done something terrible. Something I’d tried to apologise for but was never forgiven. Thanks to her deathbed confessions, I finally understood she hadn’t been afraid of me—she’d been afraid of the man who sired me. The man who’d donated this sickening piece of DNA that made it impossible to survive.
I wished I could throw it up—get it out of me.
I hated that even though I’d found out I had a brother, he would rather kill me for something I couldn’t control than teach me how to be better.
He didn’t care about me.
Just like my mother didn’t want me.
Once again, I’d been rejected, all under the guise of a test.
A test I’m failing…
I groaned as my body tried to purge itself of all the terrible things I’d done and all the things I would do.
The only thing I’d ever wanted was to belong.
And the only one to accept me was her.
A stunning girl with a fascination for gemstones and eyes like sunshine. She’d been the first and only to look directly into my soul and not send me away.
She’d touched me. Willingly.
She’d listened to me. Bravely.
And we’d made a bargain that didn’t just thread our futures together but our very fucking existence.
How fucking tragic.
How pathetic that I’d had to wait twenty-nine years to know what it felt like to be accepted, all while knowing I’d end up destroying her.
It hurt.
Goddamn, it fucking hurt.
With her, I wasn’t lonely. With her, I wasn’t unwanted. With her, I burned and ached and came apart at the motherfucking seams.
She looked at me as if I was worth something.
She didn’t cry as I fucked her like a slave.
She didn’t scream as I claimed her against her will.
I’d done what needed to be done.
And Christ…I’d enjoyed it.
Ah, shit.
I landed on all fours as my back rounded.
I retched again and again.
I’d fucked her.
I’d almost gone into cardiac arrest fucking her.
I suffered pains in places I didn’t even know existed and housed a heart that threatened to betray me if I didn’t fuck her again soon.
Her fragility and fear kept me grounded. Her trust and hope kept me fighting.
But…I couldn’t deny that something had snapped the moment I’d plunged inside her. I’d felt her flinch. Known I’d hurt her. And instead of withdrawing, I’d thrust deeper.