Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
At least this time, I know she’s going to screw it up for sure. Otherwise, she wouldn’t already be asking about money.
Sorrow hits me so heavy and hard I feel like I might drown. I have to do some breathing exercises I learned from a therapist I saw when I was ten and Grandfather thought it would be a good idea for me to talk to someone about my mother. That lasted only a few sessions but the coping exercises stuck, and now I go through them one at a time, breathing in slowly for four seconds, holding for four seconds, releasing for four seconds, holding for four seconds, and repeating that for a while until I feel calm again.
“Katherine.” I look up at my name. Grandfather’s standing at the back door in slacks and a polo shirt. He steps outside onto the patio and comes toward me. I sit up and face him, hands folded in my lap.
“I didn’t know you were home, Grandfather.”
“I had a golf meeting and just came in. Who was that on the phone? Was that your mother?”
I nod, not surprised he knows. Grandfather always knows somehow. “I hadn’t heard she got bailed out.”
“Just happened this morning.” He sighs and walks over, looking exhausted as he sits down in a chair near mine in the shade of an umbrella. “I had to call in more favors than usual. Your mother’s mistakes are getting more and more expensive.”
“Grandfather, she said something about her card not working.”
His smile is bitter. “I cut her off. For now, at least. She needs to learn some responsibility.”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I hate disagreeing with him—nothing good ever comes of it—but this is a very bad idea. “Remember the last time you cut her off?”
“Yes, I remember that whole fiasco. Her and her junkie friends tried to rob a damn Tiffany’s.”
“She’ll do something like that again.”
His eyes narrow. “And so what? Maybe this time we leave her to rot. Your mother is a grown woman, Katherine. She’s an adult and she’s been doing this insanity for long enough to know better.”
“She’s an addict,” I say, almost pleading. “She’s sick.”
“I’m tired of that whole sickness bullshit. Your mother isn’t sick, she’s just broken. She’s making these choices and doing these things, and if she really cared about anyone but herself, she’d find a way to stop. And yet we keep on going, around and around, and the same old things keep happening. At what point do we say enough is enough?”
“Grandfather,” I say, blinking at him. I’ve never heard him sounding so angry and bitter before. “She just needs support.”
“I’m tired of supporting my worthless daughter.” He meets my gaze. “You still have a chance, Katherine. I hear you went on a date with Matthew Keynes. He comes from a very good family.”
“Right,” I say softly. “Matthew.”
“Your mother never gave a damn about the family, but you could be different. You have a chance at turning things around if you’re only smart enough to do the right thing. Lord knows your mother never was. If there was a bad decision to be made, she’s turn around and make it, and I’m beginning to think she’s simply defective. Forget about your mother.” Grandfather pushes back and stands. “Focus on doing the right thing for your family. Your mother never did and never will.”
He walks up to the house and disappears inside.
I stare after him feeling numb. I knew Grandfather thought those things about Mom, but—
He’s never said them out loud before.
He’s been angry, he’s shouted at her, but he’s never called her defective. He’s never acted like there’s no redemption for his youngest daughter. It’s always been, your mother needs to find her way and your mother is sick and we can help her if we keep trying. But that was a man that has finally reached his limits, and it scares the hell out of me.
Mom’s alone and suffering in that rehab clinic, and Grandfather is sitting here in his khaki pants and his polo shirt and worried more about his family’s bottom line than about his daughter.
I stand, feeling shaky, feeling sick, and it hits me all over again that I’m only worth something to the family if I do the right thing. If I obey Grandfather and keep my mouth shut and do as I’m told then everything will be okay.
Then I’ll be worth something.
But that has never worked for me before. Years and years I’ve kept quiet, followed the rules, done everything right, and still Sara Lynn tortures me and Grandfather ignores me and the rest of the family pretends like I don’t exist. Only Mom ever says she loves me. Only Mom ever tells me that I’m beautiful and that I matter.
The rest of them don’t give a damn about me and they don’t give a damn about Mom.