Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“Oh, god, isn’t that some like early 2000s indie movie, really deep, very manic-pixie-dream-girl stuff?”
“Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, but yeah, that’s the idea.”
She rolls her eyes. “You don’t need some sappy, sepia-toned bullshit. You need revenge.” She slams her fist into her hand and glares at me. “No killing, but at least we can break his kneecaps. Look, I know some criminals—”
“That’s not really my style.”
Tina sighs and leans against me. “I know, sweetie, I just wish it were. I hate seeing you like this.”
“I hate feeling like this.”
We sip our wine and lapse into silence. It’s been days since I left that apartment and I still feel it all as if it just happened. Ford’s anger and pain, his grandfather’s glee and delight, the humiliation as it all sunk in.
It was a game. From the very start, it was a game. I knew it wasn’t real—he made that very clear—but I didn’t know it was all at my expense. Ford didn’t want me to help him heal our two families. He never thought his grandfather would go for that. It was always about him using me, and he didn’t seem to care that it would throw me under the bus and run me over so long as he got what he wanted.
His dream position as head of the family.
That’s all he’s ever cared about.
Even if I thought he cared about me for a second—it was all a lie.
I should’ve seen this from the start. Why would a guy like Ford ever want to be with a girl like me? Why would someone like him shower me with compliments, with desire, with all that sex? He was using me and I gave myself to him, I gave my body and mind and heart, and he stomped it out and ruined it.
I feel used and disgusting, and I hate Ford Arc more than I ever thought possible.
Except I hate myself just as much.
Now I understand why his excuses seemed flimsy at the beginning. It was only a pretext to get what he really wanted and I was desperate enough and stupid enough and so afraid for my mother that I didn’t look too closely at what he was saying. I didn’t think about it, didn’t want to think about it, and now I’m paying the real price.
He offered me what I’d always dreamed of: a way out of my life.
I just wish he’d gone through with it instead of dragging me through the mud like that. I wish he’d made it quick at least, instead of making it last and making it so much worse.
I wish he hadn’t fucked me then fucked me.
Ford Arc is a monster and always was.
I keep thinking about him twisting Sara Lynn’s wrist back and the manic grin on his face, the pure pleasure in his eyes.
He did that to me, only so much worse.
I’d rather let him break my wrist than take my virginity and break my heart.
Tina says, “I just want to be clear that this is not a hint or anything like that.” She gets up to refill our glasses. “But what are you going to do?”
“I really don’t think I have many options,” I admit and the feeling of being stuck weighs me down. “Right now, I plan on getting drunk again and sleeping for as long as possible.”
“But you can’t do that forever.” She frowns at me and I know she’s worried, but my brain’s not working well enough to plan much further out than a few hours. “What about the farm? And your family? Are they going to kick you out when they realize what happened?”
“I haven’t told them.”
Her eyebrows shoot straight up. “You haven’t what?”
“Grandfather’s going to be happy when he hears it,” I say miserably as she hands me my glass. “He couldn’t have actually thought I was going to spy for him and this is even better. Now he’s going to really own me.”
“I’m sure he hoped you would, but—” She shrugs and sits cross-legged at the other end of the couch. “So, what, you’re going to go home? Let your grandfather boss you around?”
“I don’t have any other options.”
“Honey,” she says softly, “you’re rich. You have all the options in the world.”
“Except I’m not. Grandfather controls my trust for another few years and now that Mom’s missing again, he’s never going to relinquish his rights when the time comes. He’s going to bog me down in proceedings until I’m forced to walk away. I’m stuck, Tina.”
“There has to be some legal thing you can do.” She gets her faraway expression, the one she has when she’s doing lawyer-stuff in her head. “I could ask around if you want.”
“That’s okay. Really, you’ve done more than enough just letting me be a pathetic blob for the last few days.”